Au Revoir

I had coffee with Philippe this morning. It was great. We spoke about school and teaching (as I will be doing a bit of teaching next year) and my life and my future. He gave me some career advice - I need to stay open to many things. Actor. Director. Writer. Teacher. Try everything. Don’t narrow my options at all. Give it all a go. And he said for me to be careful of my ‘pretentious tendency’ especially as a teacher because if your students smell that you think you are higher than them or you think you know more than them you can get eaten alive. Of course teachers often do know more - that’s why they’re teaching - but learning doesn’t need to be shared in an egotistical way. Share a bit of information here and let people explore it. And bit by bit as a group we will discover something together. And together is the key. Don’t make it out like I’ve already discovered everything. I was also able to say thank you to him for the two years at school - for changing my life - for helping me find some really special things about myself - and for profoundly shaping me as an artist.

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I went to the first year Greek Tragedy autocourse showing which was great. A big long class but fantastic to see really strong, engaging, and unconventional dramatic acting. When it works it can be so so beautiful.

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Tonight’s final Clown show was fantastic! A really great feeling in the theatre. And lots and lots of laughter! Hannah and I really nailed our ‘faxes’ number for the first time. We had a lot of pleasure and were really showing our happiness with our stupid idea. And it worked! Steph and I had a brilliant night hosting together as Monsieur and Madame Loyale as well. We were playing around, improvising, and putting each other in the shit (she got me SO good!) and generally just had a lot of fun and really good complicité. We found a nice little storyline about us breaking up - which led nicely into me ‘moving house’ with Ping Pong. And everybody was good.   So it was a nice celebratory ending to actually a fantastic workshop. It’s not all the time that a group clicks like we did, and ‘gets clown’ like we did. So I feel lucky to have been in this group of people. It was not to plan - I would have completed Clown a year ago with my original class - but because of life and glandular fever it worked out this way...and I couldn’t be happier with the outcome! 

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So rather suddenly that is the end of my two years training at École Philippe Gaulier. Just like that! It sneaks up on you! Thank you to all of those who supported me on this journey: The New Zealand France Friendship Fund, The Todd Trust, The Heritage Trust. To family and friends and loved ones. To all those who I have worked with at school, to Philippe and Michiko, and to the people of France. Without a doubt I’ve had the two best years of my life here. I’ve grown and changed, met fantastic people and had incredible experiences. Now is a new adventure for me where I will go out into the ‘real world’ again and pave my way forward. It’s going to be a challenge - to continue to do what I want to do and work the way I want to work - but I’m determined to do it. I have had an amazing opportunity to discover a new theatre - something that many people would love to do but don’t always get the chance - so I feel like I have a responsibility to share my learning. This blog is part of that. And I will share my learning in many other ways for the rest of my life I’m sure. I feel free. I feel like an artist. I feel ready to give a lot. To share my humanity and help others share theirs as well. What a gift. So this wonderful adventure has come to an end, but a new one is just beginning...

“We Love Everybody...That Is A Good Point.”

Today in class a few more numbers got the green light. Yang Yang and I re-presented our ‘moving house’ number with Yang Yang only ever saying “no problem!” which at first Philippe destroyed her for because she was too heavy. But she started to play very scared and light and unsure and it was funny. Especially with me piling crap on to her including several suitcases and an ironing board.

We also put together a section in the show of ‘deleted scenes’ which didn’t make the final cut. This was a way to showcase those who didn’t really have a number. It worked really well in the show too. You set it up like the next scenes are going to be bad, so it creates a funny and forgiving atmosphere in the audience. Everybody is happy to experience something bad! 

Tonight’s show was great. “The show starts to have a good rhythm.”

The moment with Rosemary demonstrating a flop was brilliant too because tonight she smashed it and had the audience in hysterics. Which was great for her. And funny for me and Steph. We just played it like ‘this is a strange strange night’.

“We love everybody...that is a good point.”

Mercredi

I don’t remember exactly what happened in class today. There would have been more numbers presented. But I don’t have a record of what!

Tonight’s show was a bit less great. The audience (mostly first years) have seen the show twice before now so it becomes a bit harder to get laughs.  And a lot of notes after the show were ‘too long’ or ‘too slow.’ But it wasn’t horrible. Just a bit of a dip in the week.

“You Have To Care [About] What You Do.”

More presentations in class today to get into tonight’s show.

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Nicko and I presented a slightly re-worked version of our Boom...Ting! number with more problems and Philippe gave it the green light saying “it’s possible.” He said I need to look at the audience more and to really love my friend. To not be pissed off with him for getting it wrong. I’m happy to teach him.

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Boris and I presented a number in which I play Monsieur Loyale and bring ‘Borito’ onstage with me to accompany me in a song...But Borito doesn’t want to sing. So we have problems and Borito ends up crying like a baby. It worked well, people laughed, and we played well together. “Okay” said Monsieur Gaulier.

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I also worked very briefly with Rosemary in autocourse (my autocourse time has been in demand!) and we put together a little number. She wanted to do something with magic and when I watched it I saw that she was still trying to be funny...but she isn’t funny at all (at the moment) and so it was destined to die. I then suggested that she embrace the fact that she is hopeless at clown and make fun of that and perhaps she will find something in that way. So as Monsieur Loyale I spoke a little about the importance with clown of ‘feeling the flop’...and then introduced her onstage as someone who will give an example of a flop. “Go ahead Pronto!” And then I let her do her thing for 30 seconds or so - silence - and then say “I think we all felt it”, thank Pronto, and she leaves. We presented it in class and it worked! Everybody laughed, and Philippe said “yes.” I feel good because it was a good idea, but I feel great because Rosemary has a number again (after last night she lost her only number).

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Some feedback to those numbers that weren’t accepted today:

“Don’t love the audience enough.”

“Not strong enough.”

“We don’t think they want to do well...and a clown wants to do well.”

“You have to care [about] what you do.”

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The show tonight was good. I wasn’t there last night, but it was a bit full of nerves and not so great, but Philippe said tonight was much better. And it was. Lots of people were laughing a lot. I had a good time as Monsieur Loyale - dressed up in a dinner suit and wearing a fake blonde mustache. Although I didn’t really know who the heck I was presenting...Thank god for Madame Loyale (Steph). My number with Nicko worked fairly well - a bit up and down - but good laughter. Our note was that it was too long though, so we’ll speed it up a bit. My faxes number with Hannah bombed. We had very little laughter, but we’re trying something and we’ll try again. I think we need to be a lot more happy with ourselves though. My number with Boris was good fun, and the new bit with Rosemary worked well. And I was happy to play with Liz again with her angry rant. She’s become a very good friend of mine and so it’s awesome to be onstage with her. And I’m really happy she’s rocking her number because she’s had an up and down workshop with lots of doubts about her ability. But everybody loves her in her number!!!

Rufus

So I skipped school today and the first clown show to go and see Rufus Wainwright live at Les Folies Bergère with my Mère de France, Axelle.

I'm really glad I went! The concert was fantastic. So so good. Full of life and wonderful music.

14th Street: a new favourite of mine.

I've decided I'm going to become a musician now. Music can get to the heart of true human experience so purely. Of course the theatre will continue, but I'm learning piano goddamnit!

Good...Hum...Hum Hum...

Rehearsal for tomorrow's show. In deciding the order of numbers Philippe allocated a "good', a "hum", and a "hum hum" to note how funny each one is. His method is to start with a good one, end with a good one, and fill the middle with average ones!

The run through was a catastrophe...no laughing or pleasure or spirit at all...but it's nothing. It's normal. It's sunday. And there is no audience. Not to worry! 

Friday Before First Clown Show

The last day to present to get into Monday's clown show. There were over twenty numbers shown! Many were given the okay too! Often a shortened version, but a green light never the less.

I thought the atmosphere in the class was really great. Positive and encouraging. It wasn't too panicky or depressing. There's was a sense of collective purpose and ensemble.

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Hannah and I presented our 'faxes' number one more time, taking Philippe's direction into account, and we got a yes. One minute and eleven seconds of it. He said we can speed it up again like we did before, as long as we keep our private moments as well. I was happy with how Hannah and I worked with his direction. We blocked in moments to be happy with ourselves and connect with the audience. And in these moments it's more clown. We do something stupid - and then we're happy with ourselves. The time with the audience also allows the flop to come. We smile and wink and the flop starts to fall around our bodies, and TTTHHHEEENNNN bam! Assistant! You have faxes for meeee? and we save the show. So we have a nice structure that works well with clown.

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Nicko and I also presented our rhythmic 'boom...ting!' number. We made a few changes with the lead up to our booming and tinging, particularly by adding problems with Nicko not getting the point to say 'ting'...So it gives me a good conflict. And we found some good things. Like me saying 'ting' by accident and Nicko being distraught and me being apologetic. People laughed a lot and we played together very well. But we need more problems. We got to our music too fast. But that's not what's funny. So we need to work a bit more and then present again. I'm really happy with that.

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Liz and I also presented a number in which I, as Monsieur Loyale, talk about how sometimes bad clowns don't make it into the show, and then Liz (as her clown) comes in totally furious and abuses me and the audience and Philippe. Liz was really nervous about it, but we worked together and went for it, and it worked. So I'm really stoked for her. And I had a good time playing as an actor too.

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So I have a clown number in the show! Awesome! I really didn't think that would happen. I have another in the works. And I have a good Monsieur Loyale moment too. I won't be playing on Monday night as I'm going to a concert with my good friend Axelle (something I decided to do for myself in a particularly difficult time in my life) but the show is going to be great and I'm looking forward to playing on Tuesday!

Grey

Today was an incredibly frustrating day for me: Garage day with our new movement teacher, Zack, from Canada. He's a really nice guy and I like him a lot, but I can't stand his teaching method. It's funny because his teaching method isn't unusual at all. It's common of many teachers - to be inclusive and to encourage students in the class to discuss the work - what we like and what we don't - and to talk about the possibilities. But this takes up so much time, and never ends with anything definite. At École Philippe Gaulier I've come to really like the black and white approach to theatre. It works or it doesn't. We love you or we hate you. It's amazing or it's rubbish. But today was all grey. And I hated it.

It's good though - experiences like this. It shapes how I want to work. How I might teach, or direct, or make. 

“It Has To Be Precise.”

Many more presentations today leading up to Friday’s deadline for Monday’s show. A few simple and short moments were given the green light which was awesome. Many were given the ‘it’s possible’ meaning it’s nearly there and present again. And a few were given a clear no.

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Hannah and I presented our faxes number again. People were laughing and it went pretty well for us, but Philippe said it wasn’t Clown. The reason for this being we were funny characters, but we never came out of what we were playing to show our naïve pleasure. He helped us, and we tried again, this time stopping what we were playing (me shouting “Assistant!” in an asian accent) when Philippe said stop, and then we both winked at the audience every time he beat his drum. He made sure when I stopped playing to relax and smile. So I was going from tense crazy body and face, and then to relaxed goofy happy-with-myself. Like this we could do it. So we need to present again. But that’s awesome! I never thought I’d have a clown number in the show but maybe I will after all...

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I didn’t keep notes on all the showings today but here a few clear points:

“It has to be precise.”  Although it can look like improvisation and like everything is going wrong, it shouldn’t be. You should be able to repeat it exactly every night. Otherwise it’s a mess and will be hit and miss.

“You can’t laugh if we don’t laugh.” - Don’t corpse. We feel cheated if the performer is having a better time than we are.

“You want to succeed...You want to do your job well.” This is serious business for the clowns, even they have no idea what they are doing.

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Garage day tomorrow so ALL of the presentations will be on Friday. And we’ll have the first years in class then too. So the atmosphere will be intense!

“You Have To Think Differently - They Are Naïve.”

Class is starting to be filled with numbers presented for the upcoming Clown show now. There were about eight today, most of which were unsuccessful, but momentum is developing which is positive. Some people were given the okay to shortened versions of what they showed (like Katy and her goofy acrobatic moves) and others received the reassuring “it’s possible” or “not impossible” which means if they work a bit more it will be in the show. There were also plenty of dreadfully quiet and unfunny flops that won’t see the light of day again...but we have to keep going!

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At one point I asked Philippe whether as Monsieur Loyale I could do what he does with Michaela (he yells at her and tells her she’s bad, which results  in her looking shocked and sad and us laughing) and he said yes but that I have to say “you are bad” in the same way you speak to a dog when they’ve been naughty. It’s stern, but there is nothing negative in it. It’s not really serious. It’s for effect.

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It looks like I’m going to do a number with Boris too as Monsieur Loyale in which I hit/punch him gently in a kind of ‘come on pal, toughen up’ way, which results in him weeping like a boy. So that will be fun.

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“If they do a number and they have pleasure but the number is bad...it could be good...they have fun to be bad.” 

“We don’t see they want to stay on the stage.”

“You have to think differently - they are naïve.”

“You have to present something that looks like improvisation.”

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After we got through all the numbers, Philippe said “for me, we didn’t get the point to have fun to be an idiot with language” so he proposed that we do an exercise in which we are a clown mathematics teacher here to explain the Pythagoras theorem, or E = mc², in a strange way.

Funny accent...Funny sounds...A made up foreign language...Gibberish...Pleasure in your mouth as if you eat ice cream... 

I had a go and did a made up version of the Mãori language with a ‘hoary’ accent and little snippets of songs slipped in here and there. “Guy - a bit.”

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At the end of class Simone, Sophie, and Kat presented their talcum-powder rockstar number again. 

Philippe stopped them before they made a mess though! “If they don’t look at us like they are champions of rock’n’roll...it’s a parody...we don’t see your pleasure...so we think you really are rock’n’roll.”

I'm Back

I haven't blogged for the past week because unfortunately I had a major personal-life event occur which meant that I needed to take a week off school.  I won't be catching up on the week just been but I hear it was more of the same...and that it was a bit of a tough week. Not so much laughing. But I'm back now so let's change that!

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Today a few numbers left over from last week's auto-course (to be an acrobat Monsieur Marcel says you must warm up your muscles) were presented. It was bloody difficult for them though because the energy in the room was tired (Monday) and depressing (hangover from last week) which meant that they were playing to a really cold audience. Unsurprisingly nothing worked. 

"When you do something really strong it's not in the spirit of clown." It's always light. Like a brush stroke, or a sketch. A suggestion.

"If we see you bad and you are bad it's a disaster." You have to save the show when it's bad. Pretend that it's all written in the show. For clowns, it's never bad..it's coming!

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We then did an exercise in which we had to make the audience believe we are a plumber. 

Monsieur Marcel says to the clown "when a plumber enters he looks around and says 'I don't know who did this job before but it's not so well done." I got up and hosted as Monsieur Loyale - trying to lift the energy in the room and help out those on stage. I helped once when I came out whilst Boris, Nicko and Miwa (I think) were on stage and said "I thought your specialty was dance-plumbing! Where's the dance?" which gave them something ridiculous to do which got them some laughs and love. We also found a potentially fun game with Steph, Miluka, and Mark when I stuffed up their names in my presentation for them. A game of 'no that's not my name' corrections. It was fun being on stage as the straight one with three idiots around me. I felt like I was a celebrity guest star in The Muppets.

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So now we're in the time where the show is coming up and everyone is scrambling to get a number accepted. I have made the decision for myself to take it easy for the next two weeks. I'm not fussed about being in the show - although I will host as Monsieur Marcel - and am just going to enjoy my time here. Take it all in, get up if I feel like it, or stay sitting if I don't. It's not like me to not be incredibly motivated, but right now I just have to look after myself...And I'm okay with that.