"When It's Perfect..."

Presentation week has begun...and it’s going to be never-ending! We have class on Saturday (because Philippe can’t make it to school next Tuesday) and Sunday (for a tech rehearsal of the show), and then a week of performances. People are rehearsing madly before class, and we’re all booking each other in for group rehearsals.

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Mia presented a monologue from La Compote in French. Philippe worked with her for a long time trying many different things. He led her to be more intimate and with the audience. But also to have dynamic rhythms that keep us interested.

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André and Sophia presented a scene from No Son of Mine in which God and the Holy spirit bitch about Jesus and conspire to have him killed. Sophia played God by imitating Margaret Thatcher, and André played a gay American ass-licker. Philippe led Sophia to be more in a bad mood and suggested André play more of a slimy door-to-door salesman. 

He said the characters need to have a good connection together because “they are good friends” and that their scene is “possible, but the rhythm is not yet good.”

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Charles, Mark and Sophia presented a short scene criticising how the world deals with old people these days by throwing them into care homes. Charles, dressed like a tramp, played an man in a rubbish bin. Mark, dressed as a transvestite, played a Spanish maid (brilliant). And Sophia, dressed as a tramp, played Charles’ not-caring daughter. The scene involved the maid preparing Charles for a visit by his daughter, which was quick and shallow, and then it ended with the maid putting a big log on top of the bin to prevent Charles from getting out. It was short - “it’s quick” - but we loved them. Philippe said we could have a bit more and got them the maid and daughter to sing a song at the end. They sang When I’m Sixty Four . 

It worked really nicely, especially when we could hear Charles trying to sing along inside the bin.

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Akron and Yuichi presented an absolutely bizarre scene in which Akron played a prime minister talking about how boring his days were and Yuichi served him tea. Philippe said “I am not against...what you do is a bit bizarre...but I don’t say no...But you have to know you are bizarre...Both of you.”

“For a moment without meaning in the show...why not?”

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Mia and Vicky also presented a number in which Vicky came out pushing Mia (dressed a bit like a baby) in a trolley. Vicky spoke in Swiss German about good parenting (or something like this) whilst hitting Mia on the head. They had a great effect where they made it sound like Mia’s head was really banging against the metal of the trolley. Then afterwards the scene changed and Vicky kind of became a priest and fed Mia bread and wine whilst Mia spoke about things she won’t do in her life because of the Bible.

Philippe said “I didn’t understand...[but] it’s not horrible.”

He talked about how in their scene there were two things: when Vicky hits Mia, and when Vicky feeds Mia, and that they needed to make them clearer.

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Nothing was given the ‘yes’ to be in the show today. Instead Philippe kept saying people should continue working on their scene and to present “when it’s perfect.” Yikes!

"You Have To Know About What You Are Speaking."

 Katy presented her 'America' number which I performed in along with about six others. She entered speaking about how you can do anything in America. "Yes You Can."

Then the music from the song America from West Side Story came on, and soon a group of dancing transvestites and tramps came on too. It was an ironic text about how everything is great in America...except it's not. The scene finished with Yuichi being revealed, dressed as a middle ages Bouffon, who yelled Chewing Gum! Hot dogs! Hiroshima! And then we all made the sound of a bomb falling and then in sync all made the 'pop' of the bomb landing...

Philippe said the script was too general - "you can't put everything in the same bag...it's not intelligent" - arguing that not all of America is bad. 

He then got Steph, who had cameo'd in Katy's scene as Sarah Palin in an American-Flag bikini holding a rifle, to be initiated into the NRA by Charlton Heston, played by Mike.

With Mike playing Heston as a deep Actors Studio wanker, and Steph dancing around shooting the gun to marching band music, it was on it's way to destroying them.

"This one...you are going to destroy this America."

Finally Philippe got Yuichi to come out with Steph as Sarah Palin's 'mongol' child - to see if it made the image any better...and it did. "Definitely we need the mongol."

"With this couple in a Bouffon show you can do something terrible."

There was a question about whether we were making fun of a handicapped person, or making fun of Palin here. But Philippe said of course we don't make fun of handicapped people, but we use the mongol to mock Palin's staunch anti-abortion stance.

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Mike presented his 'Bicycles' speech mocking the mayor of Toronto whilst playing wanky actor's studio, but he didn't have the fun he had before with the game he had. So it was boring. Philippe got people to imitate Mike whilst Philippe asked him about his actor problems. Sam, who lives with Mike, was great!

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Steph presented a text of Philippe's - "Forward! Forward!" - dressed in a red dress with frazzled hair and runny makeup. She played a bit psycho - a bit Michelle Pfeiffer turning into Catwoman - but Philippe slammed her for being conventional and academic. 

He then got her to wear a black dress, have a white face and wet hair. He led her to speak in a neutral voice and be tall and slow. To listen and be sensitive. "She is beautiful in this way." Steph complained that this is what he always gets her to do and she wants to be able to do other things. To be beautiful in other ways. Philippe said what he did with her today was "just for now" to help her have an aura. "Afterwards we can change."

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Lee presented his AIDS number with Sam again in the style of a celebrity talk show. Philippe told Lee "it has to be intelligent" insinuating that it wasn't targeted well enough. The point he was making wasn't clear and wasn't smart. Philippe suggested shaping the number to say fuck you to those people who say "we give too much money for AIDS sufferers" and "people who have AIDS are sinners. Why should we help sinners?" 

Finally he got Lee dressed as a transvestite, to bring on Sam dressed like an AIDS victim, in a caring and loving way. The image looked like perhaps this transvestite was taking care of the AIDS victim. Something mysterious and interesting. Something to start from.

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"You have to know about what you are speaking."

"If you are [an] actor, you have to be more beautiful than my sister Claudine."

“To Be Exact Is The Problem Of Everybody”

Thomas presented a monologue from the ‘dickheads’ text aka La Compote.

Compote

What he did at first was a bit pushed, an idea, and boring. Philippe then got Thomas to take off his wig, to speak in his own voice, and be slow, still, and simple. Sometimes he would walk. Sometimes he would speak text very fast. Sometimes he would laugh a little. He had a good fixed point and was much more watchable in this way.

“Like this we start to love him...and he doesn’t do so much.”

“You don’t do too much, but us, we dream something in our heads.”

“We start to look at you as if you were you.”

“Acting, it is in this way...We have to see always something special from you.”

Thomas expressed a fear of crossing the line from being sensitive and light the way he was today, and being boring. Philippe replied by saying “to be exact is the problem of everybody” and said it could take a long time but its with working towards it.

“You don’t have to feel ashamed...you have to [make] mistakes to discover something else.”

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Ben tried the ‘Adam’s masturbating’ text again dressed as a transvestite and speaking with an Irish man’s accent. But it didn’t work. I think because he’s not looking to us. He’s not discovering with us. Instead he’s imposing something on us. It’s not super heavy or horrible. We just don’t love him. Ben spoke about how he doesn’t know what to do and is lost, so Philippe got all the transvestites to make a chorus around him and for him to say the text to Mexican party music like yesterday. But he was blocked and it was bad. We also tried two choruses, the other led by Duncan playing Adam, but Ben still was stuck. Philippe then got Ben to swap costumes with Mark who Philippe affectionately calls ‘the whale’. But it wasn’t really for Ben (the class actually turned into a bit of ‘make-fun-of-Ben class), it was for Mark. While they got changed...

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Mia presented a number criticising the Swiss government for banning Minarets in Switzerland. 

She had a Swiss flag in the corner of the stage, she was dressed as her prostitute, and she spoke text in a calm clear voice whilst dancing to Thomas’ drumming which got faster and faster. But Philippe said it wasn’t clear and it wasn’t Bouffon. 

He then asked Mia to say a tagline from the government about the issue: “Etes vous pour l’interdiction de construire des minarets sur le territoire Suisse?” (Are you for the banning of the construction of minarets in the Swiss territory?). He got Vicky to say it to in Swiss-German. Then he got Mia and Vicky to sit on opposite sides of the stage diagonally and had them say their line one by one repeating in a crescendo. Meanwhile he got Mark, dressed in Ben’s pink transvestite costume, to dance like a belly dancer whilst standing on top of the Swiss flag, which by the end was pretty ripped up. “That is Bouffon.”

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“When we have an idea we don’t know if it works or not.” We have to try it!

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At the end of class Akron presented a scene he’d written as Murray Antoinette. It was about a camping trip, and completely bizzarre, but as Philippe said: “we are happy.” He spoke about how now Akron needs to make an hour and ten minutes of this stuff...which is complicated!

“How you take a taxi has to be so special!”

“We Have To Give A Good Fun, Good Fun, Good Fun!”

Today Ben presented a number of his South African Apartheid speech which he had directed. This time it was said by a gang of Bouffons (transvestites, prostitutes, tramps) who shared the lines of the speech, and at times sang to African drumming. I liked it but Philippe said “it looks sad...we think they’re sincere...I don’t think they mock the text.”

Philippe played party music and got them to do to the text as if at a festival in Rio de Janeiro. He had André in the front of the group saying the text whilst imitating Adolf Hitler. They were all dancing and singing, and André was great swinging his straight arms and legs all over the place to the music.

“We have to give a good fun, good fun, good fun!”

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Thomas and Mia presented a newer version of their ball scene between the right-wing fascist politicians of France and Austria. This time with three different gifts to each other, a Muslim, a Gypsy, and a Jew - each for them to murder. But it was heavy and there was no humour in it. “It’s militant...it’s not Bouffon.” 

Philippe then got Charles and Mark, two tramps, to dance together as if at the ball, whilst Mia and Thomas stayed up stage with their heads above the wings speaking to each other. The image was simpler this way. Later he got Mia and Thomas to walk slowly to each other and go for a ‘Hollywood Kiss’. They could have a good scene like this, with the tramps dancing, and a flirty conversation between each other on the phone from either side of the stage. Philippe also advised them not to use the names of the politicians because it becomes too specific. Whereas if they use more generic names like “my French friend” then the piece can attack many more bastards.

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Sam presented a number with her AIDS Bouffon around the idea of “I am positive”, but it was heavy, serious, and angry. So Philippe didn’t accept it.

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Lee presented the ‘Dickheads’ text as his transvestite but he didn’t ever connect with the audience like he has in the past improvising. He tried it just with himself, and then he tried it with Steph pushing the trolley around, putting Lee in the shit. But Philippe killed Lee for being inconsistent saying “with what you are doing we can’t be confident...we say ‘Ah with Lee we never know...so it’s impossible.”

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I then presented some text I had written earlier in the day for a number in which I would come out dressed as a middle-ages Bouffon and mock the pope with ridiculous latin gibberish.

“Tyrani-saurus rexa, pterodactyl, velici-raptor, Jurassic Park-us, such a good movie.”

I hadn’t learnt it yet, or put together the staging, but I figured it was worth testing to see if the text works before spending lots of time putting it together. For the most part it did work, although towards the end of my text I start to suggest the Pope is a pedophile and use sexual innuendo and the audience quietened here. People said it became obvious. So perhaps just making the Pope look ridiculous is enough. And perhaps with images on stage, such as various Bouffons having sex in crazy positions, the sexual ‘fuck you for taking advantage of choir boys’ message could come through. So I learnt that it could work. Philippe said “it’s possible” and suggested that it could be the opening of the show - with mysterious lighting and the reveal of the Bouffon world.

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Finally all the people that knew the ‘I must be sick’  text (me included) got up and tried to do it to Mexican music. Every one was bad! Steph blamed the music. So we tried with various other styles, including Elvis, but it was bad every time.

“Guy, He Is A Bastard, But He Has A Good Spirit.”

Ben and Thomas presented their scene again from Aunt Aggies Rot but the complicité, game, and pleasure wasn’t there. “We don’t see the actor.”

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Lee and Tim also tried the same scene but weren’t any better. Philippe then got them to gossip about somebody in the class. Quickly! The speed helped a lot to create the fun, naughty, and light energy of gossiping.

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It was then opened up to everybody else to have a go at gossiping. Many couples tried but were killed if they were boring - signified by if there were three or more audience member’s hands in the air. I was one of those couples.

After everyone had gone and people were having second tries with new couples, I asked Sam if she’d like to get up with me. And we went up, and the first thing I said was “So Sam, what happened this weekend?”, which totally put Sam in the shit as rumours have been spiraling about her antics at Montrichard last weekend. And Sam immediately realised I’d tricked her. And the audience were cracking up. And we continued this scene, skirting around the facts and teasing around the truth, without ever actually saying it. For example, we gossiped about what everybody else did in the weekend apart from Sam. We had a great game between us. Sam being embarrassed and distraught (pretend, thankfully) and me being naughty and sneaky with my questions. 

At one point, when I suggested that instead of making up gossip (since she didn’t seem to like it) that we tell the truth, Sam accused me of being gay. At which point I turned the tables and pretended to be really sad and disappointed. “Sam, I feel like you’ve put me in the shit. Like you’ve trapped me. It’s really nasty.”

There was also a great game we had with the audience, which involved them all crying “ohhhh” when Sam went to leave the stage. And when I invited Ben onto the stage to stand with me as my gay partner, the audience screamed “nooooo!” because he had been so bad in his opening scene and Philippe had told him he can’t come back on stage for an hour and a half. And whenever the audience cried or screamed, I asked “why are they doing that?” which further put Sam in the shit. 

We had a lot of fun, and our scene went for a long time. I was really scared that I had actually upset Sam, as I wasn’t sure that what she was playing was real or pretend. And I think she was embarrassed definitely, and perhaps it was a bad idea considering she could be sensitive from what happened in the weekend, but I always deliberately avoided talking about the truth and instead just tried to have fun flirting with the idea that there was real gossip but I didn’t know what it was. But Sam said it was fine and that she had a lot of fun.

“Guy, he is a bastard, but he has a good spirit.”

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Duncan presented his number in the straight jacket again but he didn’t have the same voice as before and it was sentimental. “We say poor guy, he suffered... Not the voice of the Bouffon.”

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“The Bouffon, they don’t present themselves ‘we suffer a lot’.” We can see it, but they don’t say it.

“They don’t want compassion...The Bouffon aren’t asking for anything.”

Q: What do they want? 

A: “To show...after a big hate...there is something fantastic...there is the freedom of laughing...after hate...and with that freedom we can create beautiful art.”

“They want to show that they are more free than us.”

“They don’t want to say ‘We miss you...We miss your love. We miss your compassion’...But we come to tell you what you did...Children of God.”

"The first tactic is to make people laugh...If people are laughing they are less ready to take out their guns."

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Vicky presented her Mother Ubu monologue again but she wasn’t nasty enough. She’s in a bit of a crisis at the moment and it was hard watching her because I want to shake her out of it. She needs to commit like usually does, but with the level of energy and the amount of risk she took today, it wasn’t anything. Commit Vicky! I know you’re reading! 

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Akron presented a bastard: a smarmy vacuum cleaner salesman. 

He gave us a bit of history and then went into playing him, talking about how the colour of the vacuum cleaner is the same as the Mizerati's in Italy. But he didn't give us enough details to really see the guy - this was one of my problems yesterday as well. "[You go] too fast to your idea. We need all the details before. Hair, eyes, body..."

"I don't see you having fun to mock this guy."

When asked about the guy's dick Akron said he didn't know, which of course he didn't, but Philippe emphasised that to destroy him you have to make it up. Say it like you do know. "When you do the parody of someone you don't hesitate to have a fun to say nasty things about his dick."

Montrichard & Monday

This weekend a big group of us, like last year, went to Montrichard where Christine’s family house is. There were about twenty of us in total. We had a great time swimming in the river across the road, having a big communal jam with all our musicians, drinking cocktails with alcohol starting with the same letter as our names, and eating great feasts. It was a lot of fun - full on and at some points a bit much - but really great to spend time with friends.

And unsurprisingly, today was a pretty tired and mopey day because nearly all of us got back from Montrichard just before school started.

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Mike presented a different speech by the mayor of Toronto, but it was bad. No energy. No game. The text was boring. No images. Phillippe then got him to go and dress really well in a suit and tie. He came back looking much smarter, although his pants were like baggy (almost like parachute pants) which gave him a slightly ridiculous and funny look.

Philippe then got Mike to do the text about the war on Bicycles (the text he’d originally presented a while back) in an overly happy positive way. Mike was running around screaming, arms in the air, big smile. For a while it back really funny and people liked him, but then he lost it and began pushing. Then Philippe got Mike to do the opposite. To play the text like a super serious actor studio type with a low voice, slow gestures, and moody eyes. He was much better like this. He had fun, he was subtle, and he had good timing and fixed point. “I see your spirit like this.”

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Philippe got all the tramps on stage in a clump and got them to mock the Queen of England on her 60th Jubilee. Individually nobody really rocked it, but they were good as a group.

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In the last few minutes in class I decided to get up and present a new bastard I had been thinking about during class. I presented the old head of my drama school. I was attracted to presenting her because in my opinion she is like many white hippies in New Zealand who claim to be connected to and knowledgeable about the Māori culture, but really it’s all very surface and fake. It’s phony and hypocritical. And in my time presenting her (which was a big flop) it became clear that she’s not really a bastard at all, she’s simply a hypocrite, and there’s a big difference.

"Chanson Idiot"

Finally an Autocourse everybody did again! Today we had to choose a stupid light song, like 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious', and change the lyrics to Bouffon text. 

"We need a Chanson Idiot." 

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Michael "didn't understand the exercise" and presented a real song from a bigot Southern American singer. He wanted to use the same lyrics to expose just how much of an idiot the singer is, which might have worked, but his performance lacked listening and pleasure so it fell apart.

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Mia sang some Spanish text to Jean Constantin's Le Pacha which was fantastic.

 Really light and rhythmic and fun. He then got her to change her text to 'Greetings' and it worked nicely. A dark nasty text with a really light bubbly performance. Selected for the show too!

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André and I presented a number we worked on in which dressed very gay (him in a camp tight little man's outfit and me in drag) and sang and danced to Cabaret's 'Two Ladies' but with changed lyrics to talk about gay marriage.

Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.

Two faggots!

Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.

Two faggots!

Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.

And we will burn in hell, oh!

Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.

Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.

I'm happy.

Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.

We're happy.

Bee-dle-dee dee dee dee.

To burn in hell.

It went really well and the audience loved it. At the end Philippe said "now with the Bouffon text." We told him we had changed the text to talk about gay marriage in a Bouffon way. That is, we presented ourselves as two gays saying fuck you to an audience of gay-haters by showing how happy we were together. But Philippe said it was "too nice." He got us to do the song again with one of his Bouffon texts, so we tried it with a mixture of 'Greetings' and 'Adam's Masturbating' which worked in the same way it did for Mia, but it didn't talk about gay marriage like we wanted it to. 

Philippe said we could make it talk about gay marriage but we need to mock the people who believe gay marriage is wrong, which is a slightly different take from what we did. So we're going to adjust it and try in this way. Philippe said "we will do for the show" so that's good! Great to work with André too. Easy and fun. We're good friends, but we don't play on stage together very often, so it was nice.

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Ben presented a song using the apartheid text, with a few transvestites dancing beside him, but he kept forgetting his lines about 20 seconds in, each time in the same place. He saved the show, picking up the flop and repeating the number several times, and it was very funny. But he was never able to make the point he wanted to make. But in a way it was really great. And they he could present again and deliberately forget his lines three times as a tactic. "There is something not bad but you have to work."

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Steph presented a shaky number of the 'I must be sick' text to the tune of Total Eclipse of the Heart. 

"Everything is not bad but we don't see your pleasure."

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Charles presented a text to the tune of How Much Is That doggy? He was losing his lines and it was falling a part a bit, and then right at the point where the 'woof woof' goes, Philippe took two photos with his camera, making the loud noise 'click click'. It was brilliant.

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Sam presented a clever number as her AIDS patient in which she changed the lyrics to I Will Survive to tell a story about the bastard who gave her AIDS.

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Lee did the 'Dickheads' text to the tune Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. 

He started doing it with lots of life and positivity, and then after Philippe 'killed' Lee quite strongly, he did it in a really depressed way and it went somewhere interesting. "Need to work more."

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Vicky did a the text to 'I Must Be Sick' whilst playing the accordeon. She was absolutely charming and with the audience. "We keep it."

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Yuichi presented the same number he'd done for Clown ("Banana!") in his Bouffon costume, but Philippe stopped him. He told him Clown is over and that "you have to do something new."

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Sophia sang the real last words of somebody on death row to the tune of Galoop Went The Little Green Frog. Philippe said "you need something light" surprisingly (when you consider the song), but the performance was heavy.

"We have to see you having fun to make fun of people who are for the death punishment."

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Barbara presented a song but got killed for being boring. 

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And finally Ben and Thomas presented a scene from Aunt Aggie's Gut Rot with Mary and Elisabeth. But it was rushed and a big flop. "There was not one moment in what they did that wasn't a piece of shit."

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A big, good day, with lots of cool music!