Bouffon Show Number 1.

In class today we did a run through of the show. I'm in Two Faggots and now two walk-bys of my priest-latin-mumbo-jumbo. And the lead singer, along with Mia and Katy as my back-ups, in a Bouffon band which we put together today with the lyrics of 'Greetings' to the tune of Gotta Go Home by Boney M!

First show tonight and it went really well! There was a good feeling in the group and with the audience and everything went pretty smoothly (which was a bit amazing). At the end Philippe said "first [show] is not bad" and had very few notes.

Tech Sunday (Lots of Feelings)

Tech rehearsal today. There were works on the train lines this weekend so it took two and half hours to get to school - a train then bus then another train - so that was a bit of a bitch. And then four hours of lights and sound cues. Ay ay ay. But we did it. And we have the shape of the show for tomorrow night. To be honest I’m not that proud of the show we have this term. A lot of the work presented has been rushed and doesn’t represent the quality of the work we’ve done over the past ten weeks. I’m more disappointed in myself though, because I haven’t presented more. I’ve been flat out working with Ben on our The French Chefs show every morning, and then rehearsing in other big group numbers, that I haven’t had the time or energy to work on my own stuff. I wish I had nutted down a week or two earlier, because then I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now. I feel embarrassed because I don’t have as much to show for myself as others, and I also feel annoyed with myself because I don’t have a piece in the show that I really care about. I mean, I do care about the message in Two Faggots but I really care about the message in something regarding the colonisation of New Zealand, but I never got round to making anything. I think because I’m a bit scared of it. Or because I procrastinated. Or it’s a big challenge. I know I can do it later, but why didn’t I do it now? And I know I still have a week to make some more scenes or learn a new monologue, and in this time I could do something about colonisation, but I don’t feel a real urge to do it. And this has been my issue over the past three weeks. I haven’t felt a push to go go go. I’ve felt tired and have avoided committing to doing work. This is learning I guess though. This is what it’s like to feel a bit burnt out perhaps. Or a bit unmotivated. A bit blocked. And it’s hard to come out of. I don’t feel burnt out about The French Chefs though. I feel excited and driven, because I care about it and I can see where it can go. So that says something too. For me, it matters that I care about what I’m working on. I could go on in this post, because I’m feeling a lot of things at the moment - including the sadness that in five days my friends of two years will all be dispersing - but I’m going to finish up here. I’m going to do this last week, and try to relax a bit and enjoy the company of my friends. If I find the time, I will work on a few other numbers, but I’m going to try and do it not with the panic to get in the show (this isn’t so helpful) and instead do it with the joy of working with people I enjoy to work with and make something I care about and have fun with.

Class on Saturday

Philippe can’t teach this coming Tuesday, so instead we had class today...on Saturday...whoop dee doo!

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Mia presented a part of the ‘dickheads’ monologue in French but Philippe said “it’s not enough.”

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André presented his Pauline Hanson speech with Thomas playing the drums in the background. The piece is good, but it peaks too early and then continues to red line. So Philippe was trying to find something to help with that. He got André to say the text like a dumb Australian, as Adolf Hitler, and with Charles walking behind André as if he were an aboriginal. Finally he settled on having Tim join André at the end to sing a drunken-blokey rendition of Waltzing Matilda. He tried lots of different options, not knowing which one was going to work. “We have to try.”

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We presented a new version of the America number, this time focusing on the relationship between pro-life campaigners and pro-gun campaigners. 

In the piece, Sarah Palin announces that unborn babies should be given the right to bear arms as well, and then a brigade of fetuses march on stage, and eventually shoot each other screaming “oh my god he’s got a gun!” Philippe liked the end, so it’s selected, although in my opinion it shouldn’t be...yet. It’s still really rough and feels a bit third-form drama class to me in terms of quality.

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Sophia presented a monologue from the ‘dickheads’ text. It was really great, and I was really proud of Sophia. It was just her dressed as a strange mix between a tramp and a washed up model. She had great games: imitating Marilyn Monroe, a flight conductor, an american police intercom voice, and singing. She was strange and funny and lovable and alive. Really great. “For sure, yes.”

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Mia and Vicky presented their number with Mia blowing bubbles in the trolley whilst Vicky hits her head and speaks (in Swiss German) about something lovely. But we still don’t understand what’s going on. Not because of language, but because of the images and games. Philippe ended up getting Vicky to speak some appropriate text from the bible whilst he played operatic music behind her. It had a good feeling about it, but is still not really clear. I don’t know who/what they’re saying fuck you to.

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Duncan presented the text he’d written a while ago about mad people being shunted from society and forgotten about, which he plays dressed in a strait jacket. Philippe killed him saying it’s boring and wasn’t very helpful in giving Duncan a direction to go in. Duncan was pretty upset at the end of the day as he’d been led to believe that he had two numbers in the show, or at least one, and both had been discarded by Philippe.

Frustrating Friday

The Royal Wedding scene was shown again, this time taking into account the feedback that Philippe gave last time. They also included a bit at the end in which Kate Middleton dies in a car crash, finds herself in a strange new place, and Diana appears (me, as a transvestite, covered in blood, and with a dead baby hanging from my groin) and says “welcome to the family.” Philippe said now there were too many things in the number and it wasn’t clear. “We don’t see any actor. Just idea.” Philippe’s lack of good English doesn’t help, because he thought the scene was depicting the Queen’s Jubilee, when the text was clearly talking about William and Kate...but anyway!

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Mark, André, Steph, and Charles presented a new never-before-seen scene before directed by Thomas (they made it in secret!) which says fuck you to the recent trend in China for people to give their kidneys away in exchange for an iPad.

In the scene Charles is rolled in and tries to get out of the surgery but is denied because he already signed away his fate. The crazy Chinese surgeon goes ahead anyway cutting him up with a chainsaw and other tools, and at the end a kidney is pulled out...but the patient is dead. So the iPad isn’t given away after all. It was a good scene - light and clear - and Philippe said “we will work [it].” Apparently the number is based on a true story, and that there is a big market for selling kidneys and other body parts to the American market. Yuck.

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Ben and Duncan presented the “Adam’s masturbating” text but it was slow, sexual, and boring. Philippe then got ten Bouffon to sit around Ben and Duncan (who were on a chair) and laugh whilst Ben and Duncan said there text really fast and light. 


“It’s better with a lot of fun...It’s not serious serious...It has to be laughing laughing.”

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Mia, Vicky and Mark presented their Swiss number about the minorets. Mia and Vicky had great Swiss costumes, looking like an Oktoberfest couple, and they entered yodelling in harmony.

 It was very funny and we loved them. And then when Mark enters in drag and belly dances on the Swiss flag, it was a really great image. “We take it.”

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Duncan wanted to present his Jesus text from No Son of Mine but Philippe decided he should try it at the end of André and Sophia’s No Son of Mine scene like they had spoken about a while ago. But because everyone has been so busy they had never found a moment to rehearse it together, and André and Sophia hadn’t practiced since the last time they presented, so it understandably wasn’t the best performance. And of course Philippe said “not like this.” This was a frustrating moment for all because Duncan didn’t get to show how he had prepared, and André and Sophia had shown something they weren’t ready to show, and then they get told they’re bad. Well duh!

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Barbara presented her ‘dickheads’ text again but this time dressed normally, and played really normally. Just like herself. It was as if she’s given up on Bouffon and was just trying to be charming as herself. It was a strange choice. And like this as well, Philippe killed her. “Too boring.”

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Duncan and Sam also presented the number they’d done a while ago which Philippe said would be in the show. But Philippe changed his mind saying the piece is now “sentimental and boring”. He’d forgotten that a while ago he had said that even though the scene wasn’t fantastic, it was a great step for the two actors on stage in terms of their lightness and subtlety. So that was a big blow for Duncan.

“One Stone In Your Garden”

André and I re-presented our Two Faggots number today with updated lyrics.

Marriage is meant for a husband and wife,

and now those fucking homos want to live a normal life!

But marriage is sacred - it’s ours and not yours.

It’s ours! Not yours! Not yours!

We switched it so instead of playing gays happy to be gay, we played gays mocking people who are anti-gay and against gay marriage. But by the end we came out as ourselves saying we’d “love to burn in hell”, finishing the number with the first two bars of Here Comes the Bride whilst giving the finger to the audience. I was really happy with what we did. I felt secure, and confident that it says what we want it to say. After we presented Philippe said “Yes for this one...No problem”, which was a bit of a relief. I feel a bit more relaxed about having something in the show now.

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  Lee presented a speech of Tony Blair’s whilst trying to do the same thing he did in an improvisation once before where he got pushed around in a trolley and was put in the shit. But it didn’t work at all today. The game that was there before wasn’t there now. He rushed into telling Steph to move the trolley in a different way, and Steph made changes to the direction of the trolley too quickly. Philippe said Lee “plays too much” and is “better as an actor who leaves the stage.”

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Tim presented a number in which he mocked an Australian bastard politician. He had several transvestites pretending to be sheep on the floor, who baa’d “in the bush” at the end of each of his sentences. He had Sam as a sheep dog herding the sheep, and Tim himself, dressed as a transvestite with a cowboy hat on, said an anti-gay, anti-immigrants, political speech. But it was unclear what he was trying to say. “I see a big idea but no Bouffon fun...impossible to understand.”

“We have to see the Bouffon happy to say ‘the fucking immigrants make more than me’.”

Q: Should we talk about many things in a number, or just one? 

A: “It’s better to have one subject.”

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Sam presented a number she’d written for her AIDS Bouffon. She sat in a trolley and said in a low energy voice “nobody likes me...they’re so negative” whilst asking if anyone wants to play a game and coughing on playing cards before letting them drop on the floor. It was kind of interesting for a bit, but it was really heavy. “I hate her...she is militant...horrible.”

He then got her to sing a lullaby and worked on her to be lighter. He spoke to her about the importance of working on one thing at a time until you get it. “When you do it, it’s finished. It means if you do it one week [during the show] and it’s in your body then you can do something else.”

“If you succeed with that it’s one stone in your garden...you know ‘I can do that’ - it’s less panic in an audition.”

This made me think I need to do the dickheads monologue as my light Irish Oscar Wilde character. It’s a new way for me, and I don’t feel that comfortable there. It would be good for me to get that stone in my garden. And I’m here to learn new things. Not to do the things I’m already at good at - which in a way is what the Two Faggots number is.

“A new way to seduce people as an actor.”

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Akron presented another bizarre number with his Murray Antoinette character. “I don’t understand anything but I love when I don’t understand.”

“Really funny...a good quality...one hour with this idiot and we love you all the time - it could be great.”

Philippe directed Akron to add more action to the piece, because right now it’s mostly just talking, which becomes bla bla bla. “You say the same text but with action...it has to be the same level: text and the action of the actor.”

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Steph presented her monologue again but still didn’t get what she had before. “You play Bingo, or what? He said she can’t just leave it up to chance and hope that one day she’ll get it. He ended up getting her to imitate a singer called Barbara and saying her text to the tune of Ma Plus Belle Histoire d’Amour.

“When you start to talk it’s a bit sentimental. But when you sing, it’s not.”

So now Steph is going to sing all her text for a while! To get used to the lightness. And get that stone in her garden.

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After class Duncan asked Philippe about how he could graduate from a young Bouffon to a professional Bouffon. Essentially how to play other sorts of characters that he’s not able to at the moment. Philippe said “everybody is different. You could not be like him and he could not be like you.”

“It’s the same, but it’s different. It depends [on] you.”

“Go with the dream you give to spectators, not with something else.”

“You - your person - and the dream you give to spectators is really important.”

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Philippe also spoke again about the importance of trying everything, even if you think it is a bad idea.

“You never say it’s a bad idea [so] I don’t try.”

“You have to try everything on the stage. Everything.”

"You Come To Say Something."

Christine presented a monologue from the 'dick heads' text but Philippe killed her for being boring. 

"She is not alive...we don't see she's happy...[that] she has fun."

"La we have a poor woman sad...and she has to be the opposite of sad."

Philippe got Christine to change out of her tramp costume and into something more 'pin-up'. She ended up wearing a blue and red sequined outfit with a blonde bob wig - she looked like a Moulin Rouge dancer! 

Then Philippe got André (her boyfriend) to sit on the edge of the stage and to gossip with Christine. Then he got her to say the text in this way. Like this she was much lighter and had more fun. "We see her."

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In response to my questions about different interpretations of play texts Philippe spoke a little about the importance of doing what the writer says. Beckett says the tree is centre stage. So put it centre stage. If it's not centre stage, it's another play! "The writer give a frame. "You do it!" even if it presents problems..."it's funny to have a problem."

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Mark, Sophia, Charles and Mike presented a slightly longer and spruced up version of their Happy Valley Care Home number with Charles in the bin, Mark as the spanish maid and Sophia as the visiting daughter. Mike featured in a cameo role as one of the old people who had recently died, and they sang the full version of When I'm Sixty Four at the end. They also added a great moment where Mark feeds Charles porridge like a mother feeding their young child with an aeroplane spoon. Charles got porridge all over his face!

It wasn't given the 'yes' yet (nothing really has yet...) but it will. There are just a few more tweaks it needs.

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The apartheid/Africa number which Ben directed was presented, in which André said the text imitating Hitler, whilst an ensemble of Bouffons hunted him like tribal Africans. But it wasn't clear. 

"We have to understand. But we don't understand."

Ben said the text is subtle. It's hard to know from the speech that the guy is actually nasty.

"He's a bastard who uses subtlety...we have to show that."

Philippe then got André to improvise the text of a commercial for White'n'Shine Toothpaste. 

And whenever Philippe beat his drum the rest of the Bouffons on stage, who were busy brushing their teeth whilst smiling, had to hoik and spit. Then André said the apartheid text with the same cheesy voice and rhythm and the ensemble still spat on command. Like this it was clear they 'spit' on this guy.

"It's important we understand the chorus says 'we shit on this text'."

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Steph presented her 'the time for asking has passed' monologue again, trying to be beautiful they way she was the last time Philippe worked with her. But she was boring this time.

"You are untrustable...you are like Lee." = meaning she can do it one day and the next she can't.

"We have to see she has the devil in her body."

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"A theatre teacher, he says: 'Ah we love you now, and ah we hate you now."

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Mia and Vicky also re-presented their scene with the bread and wine of jesus. But the box of crackers split open at the bottom and so crackers went everywhere. It was quite funny, and they kind of made it work, but it still wasn't clear what they were trying to say.

"You come to say something."

“If You Pretend You Don’t Have Anything To Say You Will Be Much Stronger.”

I presented my Brian Tamaki number today. This time with an ensemble of Bouffons coming on to present the various different items Brian was telling, with laughing, and with some ‘karanga-d’ lines by Hannah Tamaki. I put it together with everybody in the hour before class - because that was the time I could have everyone - and I figured it was worth showing now to test the writing and the general shape before working on it anymore.

Unfortunately it bombed big time. “A big shit.” Philippe said it was not like how I did it before (I fell out of the ‘hoary Maori’ voice and went more into TV personality), and that I didn’t have enough fun. We couldn’t see the Bouffon pleasure to blaspheme in my eyes, and so we believe that I really could be Brian Tamaki. We don’t think I destroy him. We think I am him. Philippe also said “we didn’t see anyone” meaning not me, or Hannah, or the Bouffon ensemble, had a real moment. 

Philippe said we see my idea to destroy, but not my fun. It was “not nasty enough”. “Realist...Observational.” For a while in his feedback I felt like he wasn’t giving me any guidance on where to go, rather he was just telling me it was all bad. Because I asked whether it was an acting problem or a writing problem or what. And he kind of brushed over it saying it was everything. And that’s not so helpful to hear when you’re trying to gauge where to go next. But Philippe eventually said I should go more in the direction of money. To show “his money nightmare.” To make a scene which destroys Tamaki by showing him abuse his church’s money. And he said I need a really strong image. Perhaps create a scene with Brian sitting next to God on a giant pile of money. Or with Brian and Hannah on the glass-bottomed speedboat they own. Or Brian and Hannah counting their money and doing online shopping. I’m not sure yet. But something really nasty! 

I spoke to Philippe after and he said what I presented is not the show. It’s around the show. But it’s not the show. 

“You need to go somewhere [where] we see the Bouffon.”

“If you want to go to money you have to go far to the image of money.”

So that’s good learning. Now to find the show...

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Ben presented a number in which he mocked Tony Blair and his famous ‘forty five minutes’ scandal. 

It was unclear for the average spectator who he was destroying. “Me, I don’t know it’s Blair and I am a normal spectator.” 

“If you pretend you don’t have anything to say you will be much stronger.”

“If you have something important to say you have to say it really with a filter [of] fun fun fun. If you are not, it’s militant. And if you are militant you are boring.”

In order to help Ben be lighter, and to approach Bouffon less from an actor being a character and more just imitating with fun, Philippe ended up getting four guys to get up and say the 45 minutes text as gays. In this way, with the rhythms and gestures, it starts to make the text ridiculous. A wee way through that exercise Ben started making fart noises to distract Mark whilst he was saying the text. Surprisingly (because usually Philippe says fart jokes are only for dumb Australians) he got each of us to sit centre stage and say the text as a gay whilst another person made fart noises (me) from backstage. 

“It’s an intelligent way to shit on his speech.”

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Mia, Thomas, Charles and Mark presented their number with the French and Austrian fascists dancing at a ball. He spoke about how we need to see the two tramps dancing in the middle in a non-realist way. 


“When we see them like a realist person it doesn’t work.”

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Barbara presented a monologue from Philippe’s writing in which Eve calls Mary on the telephone. She did the whole thing, which was a flop (in terms of laughs at least) and then at the end left the stage and didn’t come back. She’s having a hard time at the moment.

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At the end of class Philippe spoke about the difference between playing as an actor and playing as a Bouffon. 

“As an actor you give life. You don’t mock...But with Bouffon you mock...You judge...You criticise.”

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By the way: this man, Dieudonne, is doing some amazing Bouffon stuff at the moment: