Take The Space & Sell Yourself

I've been feeling lately like I'm not 'turning it on' and committing to the exercises/improvisations/games as much as I could/should be. It's not that I'm consciously doing it. It's because it's scary and difficult. It's a courage thing, and it's a self-confidence thing. I watch someone like Anna get up on stage and she comes across as if she knows exactly what she's doing and she knows it's going to be fantastic, even when it might not be. But it usually turns out that it is, even if it's not - if you get what I mean! Whereas when I get on stage I'm in survival mode. I'm preparing for death. I'm timid, my body is a bit tense, and I'm kind of saying "I deserve to die so just get it over and done with". I'm not saying I'm awful, because I'm not. I'm trying and I'm progressing and I'm really proud of myself. But I can see where I want to go as a performer and I'm going to work towards getting there.

"You have to sell yourself. Sell your stupidity. Sell your beauty. Sell your pleasure. Sell your intelligence. Sell your dreams. Sell your imagination."

After watching the second year's do their Clown class (which is scarily straight forward: we either laugh or we don't), it occurred to me that there is a real taking of the space. A little fight for their time. A fight to be loved. So I'm gonna work on taking my space and trusting in myself and having the confidence to know that people want to watch me. That I have something worthy of being sold.

The last day of the Le Jeu workshop today. What a fantastic first month! Have nowhere near mastered Le Jeu. But have made some good steps and the learning will continue in my body for much longer I'm sure. Today both classes (group A and W) did the class together. And we all dressed up nice, in suits and dresses :)

Movement:

• Game of 'Sharks' (kind of tag/stuck in the mud)
• The usual pat down
• Moving as an ensemble from stillness to running to stillness again
• The same as above also with voices harmonising = listening exercises
• Sweaty hard stretches
• Walking around the room with eyes closed and hands up just feeling your way (scary)
• Singing together

Improvisation:

Imitating actors. Only a few of us got up. It was extra scary with the other half of the Le Jeu class there PLUS all of the second years. I decided not to get up - I told myself I'd already done it which was true - but it could have been good. There would have been something else to discover! Andre got up and did the "I drink your milkshake" speech from There Will Be Blood.



Philippe guided him to be much lighter, even with a really heavy character. "You can still limp, but softly." And every time he beat his drum Andre had to say "you have beautiful eyes" to a girl from second year who sat on a chair in front of him. This little game subtly made Andre a little lighter with his text, and enjoy himself a bit more too.

Dancing in partners. Only one couple got selected to do a little scene involving looking to the gods and then back at your partner and saying "you have beautiful eyes" - and that couple died before they could say any text! I got up a few times. Everyone said I should have been selected when I danced with Maria-Louisa but NO. haha!

Cabaret show. We set the room up so there was a ring of chairs surrounding the two screens (scary!). A presenter would come on and present the artist. And then the artist would enter and sing, or say a poem, or do something. If you did well - Philippe would order Champagne. If you were bad - Diet Coke. I got up and sang 'When You're Smiling' and tried to be simple and beautiful. But it was a bit funny, because I must have obviously looked quite nervous and singing about smiling was a bit ridiculous. I got a bit of confidence as I got through it however and that helped me loosen up and be more present and sing better. I got chosen for the bad cabaret that Rothio was the leader of. But "we can work with this". I should have played it sad and nervous deliberately from the start. Then the opposites of me and the lyrics of the song could have been really funny. But I feel held back when I think of stuff like that because I'm scared it will be called an 'idea'. But maybe I should flag this this type of thinking for a while. Because everything is really an idea. But it's how it's done that is important. I imagine that something that comes across as an 'idea' is something that seems rehearsed, rigid, and not responsive to the audience. I also tried out as a presenter. Was on for ages which Philippe hassled me about later. I think he just forgot to kill me like he did with the other presenters! But I played a lot - tried a different approaches all the time. My favourite (in a soft voice with still body): "Italy...Milano...Ciara". Anna did a fantastic rendition of 'Like a Virgin' in which she played very scared and fragile, perhaps a victim, and kept looking off stage as if somebody was forcing her to sing. She was light, and playful, and very funny/beautiful. A great fun exercise for the end of the workshop.

Core learning from Le Jeu:

• Pleasure - feel it, share it, move with it and speak over it.

• Complicité - look in the eyes of your partner, "Hello my little class mate. How are we going to play together?"

• It's just a game! - play and enjoy, and don't forget about it.

• Text - don't talk too much, find the pleasure of making sound.

• Fixed point! Control your body.

• Lightness. Listening. Timing.

• Keep it simple. One thing is enough to play with. "Don't play too much."

• Be beautiful. Stand tall. Show yourself, your humanity. Don't hide it.

• It's okay to be bad. Don't concern yourself with being good. Discover.

• It's difficult.

Guy Langford. Le Jeu. November, 2010.