"Everything Has To Be A Shock."

Two weeks until the end of workshop show now. It's time to start presenting.

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We continued working with Ben's apartheid text with a gang of transvestites at the beginning of class. 

Each one of us tried to say a line of the text in a gay voice - a way to see who the audience loves most - but none of us really got it. Then Philippe asked me to do my Oscar Wilde Irish-thing with the text. I sat on the floor with my legs to one side and said the text in a slow dreamy way whilst the rest of the transvestites did the can can behind me in slow motion. I felt like I was boring like this. But Philippe said I wasn't. New territory for me here as an actor. To be really light and sensitive. It's hard to gauge whether the audience is with you or not. Philippe said there's something in this (me with the text and the can can in the background) but he's not quite sure what it is.

Ben and I also did a rough performance of some text between God and Adam. "Adam's masturbating...that's disgusting." But we didn't really know the text so well. And I needed to play more boy-scout (I was still playing my irish Oscar Wilde). Still, something we could do - as Philippe was speaking about how we could have a half hour section of transvestites in the show.

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Thomas and Mia presented a scene they'd written in which they imitated Marine Le Pen, a far-right French politician, and a far-right Austrian politician. 

The scene was set at a ball which they attended together, dancing to a waltz. 

In the scene they flirted with each other, calling each other cushy names. And towards the end Vicky, looking like an Arab, was brought out on the stage and was beaten up by the other dancers at the ball. The punch line was that most of the Arabs had been taken out (or killed) in Austria, but that they keep some around "just for the fun".

At the end Philippe commented that "what we saw was too small" and "I was not shocked by that." They can go a lot further.

"We have to receive a shock...[so] we say 'you make a point'."

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Duncan presented a scene he'd written in which he, dressed in a straitjacket and looking sick, spoke to the audience about the care he was receiving at the mental hospital. 

Sam also featured as a sick person sitting in a trolley behind him, and she echoed his text and sang now and then. Although it was unclear exactly who the text was saying fuck you to (he mentioned Jesus a lot and it was confusing) Duncan was great as an actor and Sam was great with him too - light and sensitive - and so Philippe said "they have something good together...so you are accepted."

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Sophia and Lee also quickly presented an idea to mock the recent royal wedding. 

To make fun of the ridiculous commentaries and media attention it received, and to say fuck you to the royal family. It was only quick as it was shown right at the end of the class, but I think it's a great idea with good legs!

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"You don't have to be vulgar. You have to be vulgar when it's necessary to be vulgar. But you don't have to be vulgar."

"Everything has to be a shock."

"If you start to say the truth and nobody laughs, it's dangerous." This is why comedy is good for Bouffon. Although Philippe reminded us that 'funny' doesn't have to mean 'ha ha' - it can also be 'ding doo' in our heads - but laughing is good.

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I've been feeling quite unmotivated this week. I know time is running out but I just haven't felt the urge to work. And I haven't got up on stage so much over the last two weeks because of it. And so now I'm trying to get out of this rut. I think I've been avoiding doing Philippe's texts, or the Ubu texts, because I'm not so interested in them as an artist. Which means, if I was a director or a writer, I wouldn't choose to do a play like this. I'm not attracted to the ugliness I think. But it's silly. I'm here to learn. As an actor primarily  - at least in Philippe's point of view. And I will learn something from doing the text regardless of whether I like it or not. 

I have my Brian Tamaki text I definitely want to continue with. And I want to do something about Captain Cook and the colonisation of New Zealand. There's a scene André and I did a while ago that we could work on, a moment when I made fun of a priest speaking gibberish Latin which I could go back to, and then various texts I could learn. So I'm not out of ideas. I just have felt a bit bla over the last wee while. Perhaps because I've been too alone in what I'm doing. Whereas when I work with others I have more of a drive to go somewhere. 

So it's time to change.