“Unprofessional.”

The same as yesterday in class today, but much shorter. We finished 45 minutes earlier which was nice actually. It gave me a bit of a break before performing, instead of the frantic rush to get everything prepped (I appreciate the role of a stage manager a lot now that I don’t have one). Philippe spoke about the importance of consistency for actors. “It has to be every night the same.” He said he wouldn’t hire an actor that is different every night. That they are unreliable and unprofessional.

~

Lee tried his monologue again, but it was worse than what he did yesterday. No listening, no sensitivity. “Everything is horrible.”

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Barbara tried her monologue again, which I had directed before class. I tried to help her find several games, and then to play them lightly. I ended up kind of choreographing the music of the scene - the shape - but I don’t think it solved the issue of her being heavy and not beautiful. I guess I just thought lets give her a frame to work with, instead of her improvising every time. “Impossible...We don’t see you. We don’t see your beauty. We don’t see anything.” I think the frame could have worked if she had pleasure, but she didn’t. And because she’s in this crisis at the moment, it’s impossible for her to have pleasure. But pleasure is what she needs to be beautiful. So it’s a difficult situation!

~

Christine and Duncan showed the puberty seduction scene again.

“We don’t see she has fun with the puberty of this guy...we don’t see any erotic fantasy between the protagonists.”

Philippe got them to stand close together, and for Duncan to try and kiss Christine, who had to play hard to get. She would kiss him back, but then say “No! Stop! We can’t do this!”. It could have been fun, but Christine never goes there. She holds herself back and stops herself from discovering. She keeps saying she wants to do it - to go out of her comfort zone and find something, but she never actually does it. Yet...

~

Barbara and Vicky presented the mother and daughter gossiping scene. No pleasure again. “Impossible.”

~

Vicky, Mia and Lee did the Redillon scene again, but Philippe said he still couldn’t understand anyone. I listened to Mia carefully this time and I see what he means. I could hear different words that she was saying (in French), but they kind of ran in to each other which was difficult to understand. “No.”

~

Philippe quickly worked with Ben and I on the erection scene too. He said I need to have more of a fixed point. Very still. And he needs to be more with his erection problem. We need to see his pain - almost crying. Whilst Ben prances about in the background.

~

Wednesday Night’s Show

The show for me was better than last night I felt. But Philippe said the show as a whole is starting to fall. It’s gotten worse and worse. Usually a show gets better over the run, but it’s gotten worse. I’d say it’s because a lot of us are relying on the audience to give us the thing we need to be great, but the audience has gotten smaller and smaller, and it’s been full of people who have already seen the show before. But we can’t rely on the audience like that. It has to be great regardless of the audience. And then it should get even better with an audience!

I felt that all of my scenes were alright except the erection problem scene. It flopped again tonight. We weren’t together, and although I was better in my fixed point, I wasn’t with my problem enough. I need to be clearly in the shit from the very beginning. Ben was slow on his cues a lot tonight, and messed up a few lines, and then I missed a line right at the very end which meant we finished oddly. Philippe said this “unprofessional” which I don’t agree with. I missed one line, and then did something to try and make my mistake work. It happens. But he’s right that the scene needs to be the same every night. I spoke to Ben afterwards, who has been improvising what he does each performance (so it’s always different) and relying on being “in the flow”. So if he’s not in a the flow, it’s a disaster. And how do you get in the flow? It’s a mystery. I really think you can’t rely on magic. You have to control what you can control. The scene has to be great without “the flow”. So tomorrow we’re going to set the scene. Decides when he does what, which will hopefully solve the problem of missed cues. I think if it’s ridiculous, and fun, it shouldn’t take away the pleasure and make it mechanical. The way he does it can still change, and be spontaneous, but what he does is consistent. And of course I need to be on form too. More with my problem. More british and uptight.