“When You’re Up To Your Ass In Alligators It’s Easy To Forget Your Objective Was To Drain The Swamp.”

We started today by calling for our dog or cat as our character. 

I tried different voices again, and tried to have fun, but it was still bad. Thomas said “you look a bit like John Lennon” and tried to lead me down that path for a bit, but I didn’t really make it work. Felt a bit down after this, as I feel like I’ve tried so many things and nothing has worked (yet things have worked for other actors quite easily) but had to remind myself it’s okay to be bad – that it’s part of the journey towards being good.

I asked Thomas about this though – asking whether it’s more than just the voice. And he said it’s more about games. I need to find a game with the audience and once I have it, play it. But right now I’m too insecure and stiff on stage. We love the actors that give life and show themselves on stage. Not so much the ones that look scared, like they don’t belong, like they need validation. Which is what I fall into now and then. Understandably. But there’s no need for it. I am beautiful, playful, and have something special to give. So own it.

I then realised I’ve been searching in the wrong place. Or rather, with a too isolated view. It’s not just a voice I need. It’s a voice, a long with a body, a rhythm, a physicality, a rhythm, and a game. I’ve been feeling stuck because Philippe says not to have an idea of your character, so I’ve been trying to come out blank and discover. But that is really fucking difficult. And it’s not really what he means, I think. I looked at other actors in the class that have done well, and I see that they have come on and offered a character with dimensions. Maybe they are ideas. But they’re also games.

Anna: desperate 50 something year old woman with Tourette's syndrome

Daniele: weird man with breath problems

Harvey: crabby old lady

Bertron: flirty old lady

Rik: cute shy Chinese girl

Emma: overly enthusiastic American

Rocio: sassy Cuban dancer

Charles: loud and rude gay man

Claire de Canada: weird tense woman with big smile

These are all ideas, aren’t they? I mean, you’d have to have an idea to try out in order to discover how to bring these characters alive. They all have a costume and voice, but they also have a game – something to play. Whereas I have had a costume, a voice (tried many), but no real game to play with. I can totally see how Anna is free because she has the game of playing a desperate 50 year old woman with Tourette's in any situation. That idea frees me. It ignites my imagination. Already I can dream about what I would do if I were playing her character, in situations like getting stuck in a lift, going to the dentist, or winning an Oscar. But I’ve missed that point in this workshop. I’ve misunderstood. Or I’ve taken Philippe too literally. I really need to find my own way. Because trying to find a character by getting on stage with nothing has been really disabling for me. I wish I had come on with more of an idea/game earlier in the workshop. But oh well. Lesson learned. And I know what to do so I can do it again later!

~

We did a fun exercise in which 5 actors had to constantly keep the stage occupied. When somebody leaves another has to enter immediately. If the stage is ever empty the game is over. Also, if you’re boring you have to leave. And if you’re great you’ve got to stay.

I tried twice. The first time I came on with Nader and said “Dad, I have something to tell you.” It came out that I was sleeping with his girlfriend, who turned out to be Andre’s new female character. And that scene went well for a while. I wasn’t so hot in the scenes, but I was needed in them to make them work. At the end Thomas said we should have come out more as we’d developed a good scenario the audience wanted more of.

The second time, the group was pretty bad for most of the time. I came out at one point spinning a basketball on my finger and pretending to be a wanky teacher. I introduced Akron to the audience, as an experiment I’d been working on for a while. Which worked as he was dressed like a cave man, and was stuck inside a chair (his (dying) running gag). “For a moment we loved you…It’s good to stay light…to try many things.”

~

We then did an exercise in which one character is a psychiatrist, and another is a patient. I didn’t try this – but Anna was an absolute star!

Theatre needs conflict:

“How are you?”

“I’m good.”

The game is finished.

Finally we ended with an exercise in which we had to walk out in the sun on stage (the sun was setting at the time), sing a song, and be beautiful. I came out solemnly and sang ‘Silent Night’ really beautifully, with some trilling. The audience liked me, but I over played it to be beautiful.



  “We receive it’s a bit pathetic – but it could be a thing for your character.”

~

I went and saw Black Swan tonight. 

Phoar! The director has a dark imagination. It’s a ride, and it’s quite horrible to go on. But I enjoyed it – especially when observing how the director creates that journey for us.

I also finished the book I’ve been reading lately: The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp. 

A really great book – one I’ll definitely read again. She writes in a quite bossy and I-know-it-all kind of way, but I actually liked that. I guess with her credentials she’s allowed to! It’s inspired me to create new habits for my creative life (like my new morning workout) and its made me consider a lot about my self, and my future, as an artist.

“When I walk into the white room I am alone, but I am alone with my: body ambition ideas passions needs memories goals prejudices distractions fears.”

“When you mount your ballet, the audience applauds or yawns.” I like this Black & White mentality. The same as Gaulier.

A quote that’s helped ground me in this month of crisis: “When you’re up to your ass in alligators it’s easy to forget your objective was to drain the swamp.”