"You Could Be Nicer"

Today we did an exercise in which we had to have a conversation with a partner/competitor about what we had for breakfast (or whatever we wanted to care about - Philippe didn't care - it's not what it's about that matters) whilst playing the game of trying to get off our chair without being touched by the person behind us. And we had a person behind our competitor doing the same thing, as well as winking to us when it was time to escape. First to 10 points wins the game. So two things we had to concentrate on at the same time. The conversation (including play, improvisation, complicité) and the game (pleasure, complicité...). I was first up. With Christine from Paris. I had a good voice, and didn't talk too much. We didn't get stopped by Philippe throughout. But in hindsight my complicité with Christine wasn't so good. I wasn't really listening to her, in a holistic voice/body/energy kind of way. I was a bit pushy and aggressive. Only a little bit. But enough to not make us play well together. I played a bit, but not with much pleasure. More of a wanting to do well in the exercise/win the game. I have to keep reminding myself not to do that. It's my habitual place to go. Even though I am actively working on not talking too much and using my voice well, and improvising etc. And I'm doing these with pretty good skill. But these aren't so difficult for me to achieve. But being in a playful free not-pushing place is more difficult. The feedback I got: "We like Christine more...You could be nicer...A bit aggressive." This is true. I didn't really share the ball enough. I played the game too seriously. And nobody likes the person that plays the game too seriously whilst everyone else is in it for the fun!

• Noticed when watching two Italians play and talk about breakfast that they really use their bodies when they speak. I'd like to try this too. Looks like fun. To express with the arms and hands. And to mime out mixing cereal. Or drinking a cognac/coffee breakfast shot. Yum.

• At one point when a pair were really boring Brette from Canada suggested we change the subject away from breakfast and Gaulier replied "it's not the text, it's the actors". We need to see them having fun, looking for an escape. Either "we see Ah! They have pleasure of the game and they put speech over it, or it's just bla bla bla bla."

Afterwards the exercise changed slightly so that people played the game at the back of the stage behind two screens so that we couldn't see them. When somebody successfully escapes they are suddenly visible to us and they have to stay with us, in major, with all the pleasure of their win, until their pleasure starts to fade - at which point they go back and start again. A kind of quick fire pleasure exercise. Really really difficult. I remember Christian saying Gaulier would offer almost impossible exercises sometimes. This seemed like one of them. But over time people got better. Like David from Spain. He could stay on for quite a while in the end because he had pleasure (light in the eyes, in the body, in the space) flowing through him. I didn't get a go unfortunately. But I think it would have been good for me, because it would be a test to figure out my question about faking pleasure or not. The exercise illustrates the importance of entering the stage in major, with your own unique pleasure. When somebody else enters after you whilst you are still on, you must take the role of minor. These are the rules of the theatre. You must always enter in major. "If a director tells you otherwise you must get out of this production immediately!"

At question time Philippe spoke about how he wanted to be a tragic actor when we was young, but he was ridiculous and funny when he tried to do it. Now he's a clown and a teacher. Two things he didn't ever want to be. Your body allows you to do some things in the theatre, and not other things. "You can't always do/be what you love...This is the pleasure of life though. You follow wherever it takes you."

I am feeling really good about my average day in class at the moment. I'm getting up a lot. Often the first to try an exercise. And I often get a few goes at exercises in class, as opposed to just one. So I'm getting my money's worth in one sense. Or my learning's worth might be a better way of putting it. I'm being active and courageous and I'm proud of myself for that. Now I want to start risking more once I'm up. Got to remember it's good to be bad. Here I can discover.

I need to follow my fun. My pleasure. And I need to play and risk to find this.

Paul, me, and Céleste having a playful risky pleasureful time. I'd kill me in this photo though. The other two seem to be having much more fun!