Au Revoir

I had coffee with Philippe this morning. It was great. We spoke about school and teaching (as I will be doing a bit of teaching next year) and my life and my future. He gave me some career advice - I need to stay open to many things. Actor. Director. Writer. Teacher. Try everything. Don’t narrow my options at all. Give it all a go. And he said for me to be careful of my ‘pretentious tendency’ especially as a teacher because if your students smell that you think you are higher than them or you think you know more than them you can get eaten alive. Of course teachers often do know more - that’s why they’re teaching - but learning doesn’t need to be shared in an egotistical way. Share a bit of information here and let people explore it. And bit by bit as a group we will discover something together. And together is the key. Don’t make it out like I’ve already discovered everything. I was also able to say thank you to him for the two years at school - for changing my life - for helping me find some really special things about myself - and for profoundly shaping me as an artist.

~

I went to the first year Greek Tragedy autocourse showing which was great. A big long class but fantastic to see really strong, engaging, and unconventional dramatic acting. When it works it can be so so beautiful.

~

Tonight’s final Clown show was fantastic! A really great feeling in the theatre. And lots and lots of laughter! Hannah and I really nailed our ‘faxes’ number for the first time. We had a lot of pleasure and were really showing our happiness with our stupid idea. And it worked! Steph and I had a brilliant night hosting together as Monsieur and Madame Loyale as well. We were playing around, improvising, and putting each other in the shit (she got me SO good!) and generally just had a lot of fun and really good complicité. We found a nice little storyline about us breaking up - which led nicely into me ‘moving house’ with Ping Pong. And everybody was good.   So it was a nice celebratory ending to actually a fantastic workshop. It’s not all the time that a group clicks like we did, and ‘gets clown’ like we did. So I feel lucky to have been in this group of people. It was not to plan - I would have completed Clown a year ago with my original class - but because of life and glandular fever it worked out this way...and I couldn’t be happier with the outcome! 

~

So rather suddenly that is the end of my two years training at École Philippe Gaulier. Just like that! It sneaks up on you! Thank you to all of those who supported me on this journey: The New Zealand France Friendship Fund, The Todd Trust, The Heritage Trust. To family and friends and loved ones. To all those who I have worked with at school, to Philippe and Michiko, and to the people of France. Without a doubt I’ve had the two best years of my life here. I’ve grown and changed, met fantastic people and had incredible experiences. Now is a new adventure for me where I will go out into the ‘real world’ again and pave my way forward. It’s going to be a challenge - to continue to do what I want to do and work the way I want to work - but I’m determined to do it. I have had an amazing opportunity to discover a new theatre - something that many people would love to do but don’t always get the chance - so I feel like I have a responsibility to share my learning. This blog is part of that. And I will share my learning in many other ways for the rest of my life I’m sure. I feel free. I feel like an artist. I feel ready to give a lot. To share my humanity and help others share theirs as well. What a gift. So this wonderful adventure has come to an end, but a new one is just beginning...

“We Love Everybody...That Is A Good Point.”

Today in class a few more numbers got the green light. Yang Yang and I re-presented our ‘moving house’ number with Yang Yang only ever saying “no problem!” which at first Philippe destroyed her for because she was too heavy. But she started to play very scared and light and unsure and it was funny. Especially with me piling crap on to her including several suitcases and an ironing board.

We also put together a section in the show of ‘deleted scenes’ which didn’t make the final cut. This was a way to showcase those who didn’t really have a number. It worked really well in the show too. You set it up like the next scenes are going to be bad, so it creates a funny and forgiving atmosphere in the audience. Everybody is happy to experience something bad! 

Tonight’s show was great. “The show starts to have a good rhythm.”

The moment with Rosemary demonstrating a flop was brilliant too because tonight she smashed it and had the audience in hysterics. Which was great for her. And funny for me and Steph. We just played it like ‘this is a strange strange night’.

“We love everybody...that is a good point.”

Mercredi

I don’t remember exactly what happened in class today. There would have been more numbers presented. But I don’t have a record of what!

Tonight’s show was a bit less great. The audience (mostly first years) have seen the show twice before now so it becomes a bit harder to get laughs.  And a lot of notes after the show were ‘too long’ or ‘too slow.’ But it wasn’t horrible. Just a bit of a dip in the week.

“You Have To Care [About] What You Do.”

More presentations in class today to get into tonight’s show.

~

Nicko and I presented a slightly re-worked version of our Boom...Ting! number with more problems and Philippe gave it the green light saying “it’s possible.” He said I need to look at the audience more and to really love my friend. To not be pissed off with him for getting it wrong. I’m happy to teach him.

~

Boris and I presented a number in which I play Monsieur Loyale and bring ‘Borito’ onstage with me to accompany me in a song...But Borito doesn’t want to sing. So we have problems and Borito ends up crying like a baby. It worked well, people laughed, and we played well together. “Okay” said Monsieur Gaulier.

~

I also worked very briefly with Rosemary in autocourse (my autocourse time has been in demand!) and we put together a little number. She wanted to do something with magic and when I watched it I saw that she was still trying to be funny...but she isn’t funny at all (at the moment) and so it was destined to die. I then suggested that she embrace the fact that she is hopeless at clown and make fun of that and perhaps she will find something in that way. So as Monsieur Loyale I spoke a little about the importance with clown of ‘feeling the flop’...and then introduced her onstage as someone who will give an example of a flop. “Go ahead Pronto!” And then I let her do her thing for 30 seconds or so - silence - and then say “I think we all felt it”, thank Pronto, and she leaves. We presented it in class and it worked! Everybody laughed, and Philippe said “yes.” I feel good because it was a good idea, but I feel great because Rosemary has a number again (after last night she lost her only number).

~

Some feedback to those numbers that weren’t accepted today:

“Don’t love the audience enough.”

“Not strong enough.”

“We don’t think they want to do well...and a clown wants to do well.”

“You have to care [about] what you do.”

~

The show tonight was good. I wasn’t there last night, but it was a bit full of nerves and not so great, but Philippe said tonight was much better. And it was. Lots of people were laughing a lot. I had a good time as Monsieur Loyale - dressed up in a dinner suit and wearing a fake blonde mustache. Although I didn’t really know who the heck I was presenting...Thank god for Madame Loyale (Steph). My number with Nicko worked fairly well - a bit up and down - but good laughter. Our note was that it was too long though, so we’ll speed it up a bit. My faxes number with Hannah bombed. We had very little laughter, but we’re trying something and we’ll try again. I think we need to be a lot more happy with ourselves though. My number with Boris was good fun, and the new bit with Rosemary worked well. And I was happy to play with Liz again with her angry rant. She’s become a very good friend of mine and so it’s awesome to be onstage with her. And I’m really happy she’s rocking her number because she’s had an up and down workshop with lots of doubts about her ability. But everybody loves her in her number!!!

Rufus

So I skipped school today and the first clown show to go and see Rufus Wainwright live at Les Folies Bergère with my Mère de France, Axelle.

I'm really glad I went! The concert was fantastic. So so good. Full of life and wonderful music.

14th Street: a new favourite of mine.

I've decided I'm going to become a musician now. Music can get to the heart of true human experience so purely. Of course the theatre will continue, but I'm learning piano goddamnit!

Good...Hum...Hum Hum...

Rehearsal for tomorrow's show. In deciding the order of numbers Philippe allocated a "good', a "hum", and a "hum hum" to note how funny each one is. His method is to start with a good one, end with a good one, and fill the middle with average ones!

The run through was a catastrophe...no laughing or pleasure or spirit at all...but it's nothing. It's normal. It's sunday. And there is no audience. Not to worry! 

Friday Before First Clown Show

The last day to present to get into Monday's clown show. There were over twenty numbers shown! Many were given the okay too! Often a shortened version, but a green light never the less.

I thought the atmosphere in the class was really great. Positive and encouraging. It wasn't too panicky or depressing. There's was a sense of collective purpose and ensemble.

~

Hannah and I presented our 'faxes' number one more time, taking Philippe's direction into account, and we got a yes. One minute and eleven seconds of it. He said we can speed it up again like we did before, as long as we keep our private moments as well. I was happy with how Hannah and I worked with his direction. We blocked in moments to be happy with ourselves and connect with the audience. And in these moments it's more clown. We do something stupid - and then we're happy with ourselves. The time with the audience also allows the flop to come. We smile and wink and the flop starts to fall around our bodies, and TTTHHHEEENNNN bam! Assistant! You have faxes for meeee? and we save the show. So we have a nice structure that works well with clown.

~

Nicko and I also presented our rhythmic 'boom...ting!' number. We made a few changes with the lead up to our booming and tinging, particularly by adding problems with Nicko not getting the point to say 'ting'...So it gives me a good conflict. And we found some good things. Like me saying 'ting' by accident and Nicko being distraught and me being apologetic. People laughed a lot and we played together very well. But we need more problems. We got to our music too fast. But that's not what's funny. So we need to work a bit more and then present again. I'm really happy with that.

~

Liz and I also presented a number in which I, as Monsieur Loyale, talk about how sometimes bad clowns don't make it into the show, and then Liz (as her clown) comes in totally furious and abuses me and the audience and Philippe. Liz was really nervous about it, but we worked together and went for it, and it worked. So I'm really stoked for her. And I had a good time playing as an actor too.

~

So I have a clown number in the show! Awesome! I really didn't think that would happen. I have another in the works. And I have a good Monsieur Loyale moment too. I won't be playing on Monday night as I'm going to a concert with my good friend Axelle (something I decided to do for myself in a particularly difficult time in my life) but the show is going to be great and I'm looking forward to playing on Tuesday!

Grey

Today was an incredibly frustrating day for me: Garage day with our new movement teacher, Zack, from Canada. He's a really nice guy and I like him a lot, but I can't stand his teaching method. It's funny because his teaching method isn't unusual at all. It's common of many teachers - to be inclusive and to encourage students in the class to discuss the work - what we like and what we don't - and to talk about the possibilities. But this takes up so much time, and never ends with anything definite. At École Philippe Gaulier I've come to really like the black and white approach to theatre. It works or it doesn't. We love you or we hate you. It's amazing or it's rubbish. But today was all grey. And I hated it.

It's good though - experiences like this. It shapes how I want to work. How I might teach, or direct, or make. 

“It Has To Be Precise.”

Many more presentations today leading up to Friday’s deadline for Monday’s show. A few simple and short moments were given the green light which was awesome. Many were given the ‘it’s possible’ meaning it’s nearly there and present again. And a few were given a clear no.

~

Hannah and I presented our faxes number again. People were laughing and it went pretty well for us, but Philippe said it wasn’t Clown. The reason for this being we were funny characters, but we never came out of what we were playing to show our naïve pleasure. He helped us, and we tried again, this time stopping what we were playing (me shouting “Assistant!” in an asian accent) when Philippe said stop, and then we both winked at the audience every time he beat his drum. He made sure when I stopped playing to relax and smile. So I was going from tense crazy body and face, and then to relaxed goofy happy-with-myself. Like this we could do it. So we need to present again. But that’s awesome! I never thought I’d have a clown number in the show but maybe I will after all...

~

I didn’t keep notes on all the showings today but here a few clear points:

“It has to be precise.”  Although it can look like improvisation and like everything is going wrong, it shouldn’t be. You should be able to repeat it exactly every night. Otherwise it’s a mess and will be hit and miss.

“You can’t laugh if we don’t laugh.” - Don’t corpse. We feel cheated if the performer is having a better time than we are.

“You want to succeed...You want to do your job well.” This is serious business for the clowns, even they have no idea what they are doing.

~

Garage day tomorrow so ALL of the presentations will be on Friday. And we’ll have the first years in class then too. So the atmosphere will be intense!

“You Have To Think Differently - They Are Naïve.”

Class is starting to be filled with numbers presented for the upcoming Clown show now. There were about eight today, most of which were unsuccessful, but momentum is developing which is positive. Some people were given the okay to shortened versions of what they showed (like Katy and her goofy acrobatic moves) and others received the reassuring “it’s possible” or “not impossible” which means if they work a bit more it will be in the show. There were also plenty of dreadfully quiet and unfunny flops that won’t see the light of day again...but we have to keep going!

~

At one point I asked Philippe whether as Monsieur Loyale I could do what he does with Michaela (he yells at her and tells her she’s bad, which results  in her looking shocked and sad and us laughing) and he said yes but that I have to say “you are bad” in the same way you speak to a dog when they’ve been naughty. It’s stern, but there is nothing negative in it. It’s not really serious. It’s for effect.

~

It looks like I’m going to do a number with Boris too as Monsieur Loyale in which I hit/punch him gently in a kind of ‘come on pal, toughen up’ way, which results in him weeping like a boy. So that will be fun.

~

“If they do a number and they have pleasure but the number is bad...it could be good...they have fun to be bad.” 

“We don’t see they want to stay on the stage.”

“You have to think differently - they are naïve.”

“You have to present something that looks like improvisation.”

~

After we got through all the numbers, Philippe said “for me, we didn’t get the point to have fun to be an idiot with language” so he proposed that we do an exercise in which we are a clown mathematics teacher here to explain the Pythagoras theorem, or E = mc², in a strange way.

Funny accent...Funny sounds...A made up foreign language...Gibberish...Pleasure in your mouth as if you eat ice cream... 

I had a go and did a made up version of the Mãori language with a ‘hoary’ accent and little snippets of songs slipped in here and there. “Guy - a bit.”

~

At the end of class Simone, Sophie, and Kat presented their talcum-powder rockstar number again. 

Philippe stopped them before they made a mess though! “If they don’t look at us like they are champions of rock’n’roll...it’s a parody...we don’t see your pleasure...so we think you really are rock’n’roll.”

I'm Back

I haven't blogged for the past week because unfortunately I had a major personal-life event occur which meant that I needed to take a week off school.  I won't be catching up on the week just been but I hear it was more of the same...and that it was a bit of a tough week. Not so much laughing. But I'm back now so let's change that!

~

Today a few numbers left over from last week's auto-course (to be an acrobat Monsieur Marcel says you must warm up your muscles) were presented. It was bloody difficult for them though because the energy in the room was tired (Monday) and depressing (hangover from last week) which meant that they were playing to a really cold audience. Unsurprisingly nothing worked. 

"When you do something really strong it's not in the spirit of clown." It's always light. Like a brush stroke, or a sketch. A suggestion.

"If we see you bad and you are bad it's a disaster." You have to save the show when it's bad. Pretend that it's all written in the show. For clowns, it's never bad..it's coming!

~

We then did an exercise in which we had to make the audience believe we are a plumber. 

Monsieur Marcel says to the clown "when a plumber enters he looks around and says 'I don't know who did this job before but it's not so well done." I got up and hosted as Monsieur Loyale - trying to lift the energy in the room and help out those on stage. I helped once when I came out whilst Boris, Nicko and Miwa (I think) were on stage and said "I thought your specialty was dance-plumbing! Where's the dance?" which gave them something ridiculous to do which got them some laughs and love. We also found a potentially fun game with Steph, Miluka, and Mark when I stuffed up their names in my presentation for them. A game of 'no that's not my name' corrections. It was fun being on stage as the straight one with three idiots around me. I felt like I was a celebrity guest star in The Muppets.

~

So now we're in the time where the show is coming up and everyone is scrambling to get a number accepted. I have made the decision for myself to take it easy for the next two weeks. I'm not fussed about being in the show - although I will host as Monsieur Marcel - and am just going to enjoy my time here. Take it all in, get up if I feel like it, or stay sitting if I don't. It's not like me to not be incredibly motivated, but right now I just have to look after myself...And I'm okay with that.

"You Have To Develop Your Pleasure After You Do Something Idiot."

Auto-course Friday: Make the audience believe you are a musician.

~

Hannah, Michael and Rosemary did a number in which they gave Tom Tom the iPad to do the music for their scene, gave him instructions, and then kept making it out like he had stuffed it up. Endless music problems. But we weren't included, so we didn't laugh. "We are not in the game."

~

Nicko and Jonathan did a fantastic number involving lots of stupid problems. First Nicko was on a high stool and Jonathan was on a small chair, so they both stupidly found a way to be at the same height on their different seats (Nicko half falling off his). Then there were troubles with Jonathan's Goofy tail - getting in Nicko's face and not sitting nicely with his chair. Then trouble with the song they were there to perform. "Count me in!" It was very very funny. They didn't play too much, but were complete idiots. Philippe's asked "do you look at us to see if we think 'ooh they are musicians?" because they didn't really. But "it's not too bad."

~

Boris presented a number in which he played a bad song on a recorder but he kept having problems with getting hair in his mouth from his hairy King Kong outfit every time he went to play his instrument. Philippe suggested he look for a way that he can be good at the recorder if something happens. e.g. A woman walks by and he's suddenly very good. And then she's gone and it's horrible again.

~

Tessa and Connor presented a number in which they had lots of trouble unpacking their music gear. Cords unravelling, tripods and music stands falling apart. Toilet paper rolling everywhere. It was very funny but they got a bit stuck after a while on where to go with it. "Idea very good but you have to write better...it has to be clear where you go."

"It's a mess...with a mess you have to be really precise."

~

Cat, Sophie and Simone presented a number in which they tried to make us believe they were rockstars. 

They came out with a big sheet covering them, they had loud rock'n'roll music playing, and then they did bad entrances with baby powder flying in the air as a an effect of stage-smoke. The effect was good but the powder went everywhere and Philippe stopped the number before we all suffocated. "It's not well done." It was pretty loose. "If you have a number like this you have to do it at the end."

~

Mark presented a number in which he did a short stupid dance to classical ballet music. He was funny with his stupid face on, but he didn't have the pride of a child in his eyes. "You never though I am a great artist...you play a beautiful idiot but not a clown." He also warned that "it can't be a parody."

~

Miwa and Yung Yung did a number in which Miwa played the recorder of We Wish You A Merry Christmas whilst Yung Yung sang along. That part was bad. They did find something doing everlasting bows in the beginning. Philippe spoke about the 'slave' relationship we saw on stage (as Yung Yung entered with both her own and Miwa's bag, and Miwa appeared to be ordering Yung Yung around via her recorder). "If we understand it's a game to be loved by the audience it's okay" but this wasn't so clear - they didn't look like best friends.

~

I presented a number in which I tried to make the audience believe I am a rapper. I did a few little gangster hand signs at the start and got a few little laughs.

Then I went into what I had planned and got out a little robotic-flipping dog out of my suitcase (I bought this a while ago as Tin Tin's dog but never had the guts to try it out until now). I held the dog in my hand, turned it on, and beat boxed along with the yapping barks of the dog. Then after a wee bit I put the dog down and let it do it's walking and flipping whilst I continued to rap "boom boom chikka chikka boom!" People were laughing and I went for a while but it was more for the cuteness of the dog than me. E.g. There was a moment the dog flipped and landed in a position in which it was coming to me, which was cute. I didn't play with the dog enough either. Although I was happy with myself for looking at and being with the audience more, and not being ashamed. Philippe eventually hit the drum, and then said the line I knew he would say: "Do we prefer him or the dog?" 

He then said "it's dangerous" to perform with something like this - it's like the rule against performing with animals and children - because you're sure to be upstaged. "We don't see you so much." So Philippe suggested getting rid of the dog and finding something else. I'm happy I tried though!

~

Steph, Boris and Yung Yung tried a slightly different version of the number they had improvised a while ago on Garage day (the 'film star' class) in which the two girls were latched onto Boris making it difficult for him to do what he was there to do...which today was to sing a song. But it wasn't clear what the problem was today and it wasn't funny. "We do not understand." It could work, but I think they need to build the problem slower. Or make the problem clearer.

~

Miluka did a number in which she pretended to play flamenco guitar (which was actually playing on the stereo). 

But she had a music problem game with Tom Tom, plus this game where she kept drinking music, and it wasn't clear. "I do not understand...and we have to understand everything."

~

Paula did a rhythmic number where she made funny noises with her mouth and slapped her thighs and did other silly things to build the music. But Philippe stopped her because she kept going without stopping to see whether we like it and to show how happy she is with herself. 

"We don't see you happy after five seconds...you don't need to be clown to do that."

He then got her to do just five seconds and then stop, to which he said "not bad." And we see a Paula's smile and see something childish and beautiful. 

"A clown...he is sure someone is going to say 'that is a musician - a first class musician'."

"You have to develop your pleasure after you do something idiot."

"Five seconds - Poff! - Pleasure."

~

Michaela finished the class off on a high note with a number in which she came on stage with an accordion.

She played minor chords slowly, one after the other, with a sad almost crying look on her face. We liked her like this! "You could do something like that for the show." Go Michaela!!!

“Boom...Ting!”

Our last garage day with Tom Tom today (he goes at the end of the week). 

~

Today we played the ‘greatest love scene’.

~

“Don’t forget us!”

~

Nicko and I got up together and I started by placing my hand over my chest and doing a heart beat gesture whilst saying “boom boom, boom boom.” After I did that Nicko shouted “Ting!” We got a laugh. Tried again, another laugh. So we started playing more. Me having fun to change the rhythm of the musical boom-booms and be silly with my body. Tom Tom helped a bit and suggested I could go really far with it, whilst Nicko’s job was to stand still and wait for the right time to say “Ting!” (often not quite on the beat). 

It was really great. The audience were laughing away and we were really with them. I was focusing on just being with the audience and Nicko, and it worked. Really simple. I’d like to try and present this again as a number. The challenge will be in the beginning - in building the game with the audience - because once we’ve got that then we can just go for it. I guess that’s the same for everything in clown. Getting the audience to love you, and then after that you can go go go.

“For Sure If You Are Not With Us You Can’t Do A Clown Show.”

Today’s exercise was to “make us believe you are an actor.” Monsieur Marcel has told us that “when an actor walks on the stage we think he is Apollo and when he speaks we hear the birds in Amazonia.”

~

Connor and I had a go together. We were trying to find something funny imitating a god walking, but the audience never laughed and Philippe killed us quite quickly. “You have to change”, he said, to which I replied that we did, several times! Because we did. We tried many things. But Philippe explained himself and said it doesn’t mean do lots of things - it means come back from the moon and look at the audience the way I do when I’m being critiqued. I didn’t look at the audience like that when I was playing, but afterwards I did. It hit me on a deeper level today that being with the audience, looking at them, listening to them, playing with them, is the most important thing. 

“You go to another planet and hup! we are not here.”

~

Philippe got Tessa to do ridiculously long strides, whilst being soft on her feet, and looking to the audience. After five big steps she had to stop, smile, and softly say “I am an actor.” And we loved her. “It’s not really complicated.” You have to think ‘With this walk I’m sure everyone will think I’m a brilliant actor.’ “If we don’t have this fantastic pleasure and this stupid walk it’s just a heavy idea.”

~

“It is directly from the clown to the audience.”

“You have to be happy.”

“You can’t disagree [with us]!...We are the audience and we see better what you do than you!”

“If you are bad but we see a beautiful soul you are genius.”

It’s interesting: Do a bird cheep once and it is ridiculous. Do it five times and it’s normal.

“For sure if you are not with us you can’t do a clown show.”

“When people don’t do anything perhaps something is coming. But when people do so many things for sure nothing is coming.”

~

Today’s class was pretty rough. Philippe was in a sour mood and there were no second chances. However he worked a bit with Liz right at the end of class. “Are you ready to explode?” 

She wanted to, but she was having trouble letting go. I egged her on by yelling “Come on Ms Landon!” (she’s a high school teacher) and that tipped her and she came out raging. She had a giant furious outburst at Philippe (he said she could say nasty things to him) and finally let go. She was alive and bright red and full of life. And very funny! He then got her to present the clown show like this and it was great. “This one could be your clown.”

“You Need To Be More Innocent.”

Today our task was to come out in pairs and do a number based on George Simenon’s Police-Novel Room 77.

~

Boris and I went up together. We were listening to each other and found a nice little game repeating a sequence of stubbing out a cigarette, shooting a gun, opening a door, and ninja-rolling through it. People were laughing a bit and we were building something, but Philippe stopped us because we weren’t looking at the audience. We weren’t looking out for the King of Sweden. “Have you listened over the past five weeks?”

~

Sophie and Michaela had a go and Sophie was great with her trolley full of food which she proceeded to eat on stage. The idea that she can’t play until she’s eaten is a funny one. So Michaela’s job is to try and save the show. To continue with Room 77 regardless, or to make us believe Sophie eating is part of the show. 

“Good mood! Good mood! No problem! No problem! Ha ha! Ha ha!”

“You have to pretend it’s no problem, always.”

But it’s a hard role to play and Michaela didn’t know what to do. And neither would I. We love Sophie a lot with her stupidity and lack of care or awareness for what she’s supposed to be doing, and so Michaela has to find a way to also be loved without stopping what Sophie is doing. “You can’t stop your friend when we love them.” And Michaela has to still love Sophie. She can’t get annoyed with her. “The guy that every night is in the shit with his friend...he is still his friend.”

~

Yung Yung and Connor had a go but weren’t funny. Afterwards, Philippe got them to choose people they fancied to kiss them on the neck.

“When you act we don’t see the splendid pleasure that gives light on your face...We don’t see something beautiful on your face...so you are not clown.”

“You have to think: I show my soul.”

“This exercise [kissing] is good to remind you how ‘I am beautiful and people have to see how I was when I was seven.’”

~

At the end of class Boris and I got up and had another go. I had been presenting as Monsieur Loyale previously so at one point in our failing number I left the stage as my clown and reentered as Monsieur Loyale. It didn’t really work, but oh well! I then entered again as my clown to try and save the show and shouted “FREEZE!” with my gun in front like a policeman. 

Philippe banged his drum. He then asked whether I did that like I had seen it done in many movies, or whether it was made up? I said it was like I’d seen it many times before. “You need to be more innocent.”  I need to invent the “Freeze!” moment in a funny way. In a way in which I don’t know what a gun is. What I did was too knowing and too normal.

“Everybody Has A Stupidity To Sell, But There Are Few Who Want To Sell It.”

Today we swapped clown costumes. The exercise was to come out on stage and have fun to play your friend. Mock them. Play their games. And then leave again. Just a quick moment. 

~

It was great fun - everybody was free and we laughed a lot. Very funny to see people dressed in each others costumes (often ridiculous with opposing body shapes!) and to mimic signature moments their friend had had. It was very much like seeing a child dressed in their parent’s clothes pretending to be their parents. Saying their signature “It’s bed time” and “Go to your room” lines. Super cute.

I came out as Hannah’s Snow White and had a great time. Immediately people were in hysterics from just me in the costume (partly perhaps because it suited me). I came out to music and then stopped and said sorry in Hannah’s London accent and walked into the audience (as Hannah as done on a few occasions) to fix the music. “I’m really sorry!” I imitated her “Romeo Romeo” funny voice and even did her “Yesterday I was really bad” song and dance. I also did her confused/worried face which had people laughing away. It was a really great moment for me. I nailed it. Philippe later said “You sold her very well.”

At the end of this exercise he said that it shows that “everybody is in the position to sell...To sell the stupidity of their friends.” But he noted that we don’t have the same fun selling ourselves. “Many times you are better with your friends than with yourself.”

“Everybody has a stupidity to sell, but there are few who want to sell it.”

“Carry on being commercial and not being with your character.”

For me I felt freer as Hannah because I had something to play. Whereas without some reference I feel lost (although isn’t a movie star enough of a reference? Aren’t all these ‘make us believe you are X’ reference enough?). It makes sense of why I am better as an actor than as a clown though. “As an actor you sell yourself in another way.” i.e. Pretending you are someone else. However I’d like to sell my stupidity. I just feel like I don’t know what it is. Well, I know lots of stupid things about me as a person that I could sell. But me as a clown, I don’t know. Yet.

~

Afterwards we did an exercise in which we had to make the audience believe we are a business man. To do this we had to multiply VAT ('Value Added Tax') by 310 and divide by 17.

Simone and I tried together, but got stuck in one of Simone’s now signature games of shouting “Hi!” I tried to save us by doing a stick up and saying “give me your money” but we got gonged. 

~

On the train on the way home Nicko and Tessa were telling me some things that they’ve seen when I perform clown and gave me some pointers. Nicko was saying that I don’t stay long enough with something before I quit. And the audience see they I’ve decided it’s bad. I decide it’s bad before they get a chance to decide it’s bad. So I need to stay with things longer. Keep searching for someone who likes it for longer. And don’t decide for the audience. Tessa also noted how funny and naughty and silly I am on the train, and how I need to bring that on the stage. She’s absolutely right.

~

This Friday’s auto-course: a musician number. Pretend you know how to play an instrument. If you really do play, after twenty minutes of absolutely horrible efforts, you suddenly play very well at the end. You be a singer, play the harmonica, make bird sounds...whatever. And it can be solo (“if nobody wants to work with you”) or in a group.

"It's Precise. What You Have To Do Is Really Precise."

Auto-course showings today of the 'kick in the arse' gag. Philippe made a joke that with only six groups the class would be short, but I assured him that they are all very long and very good. He asked how I knew this and I joked that I wrote and directed all of them. So this became the joke of the day...

~

Nicko, Cat and Jonathan did a great number in which they did endless little signals and high fives to each other and the audience. "This one is a number of three clowns who don't know what to do." He then got them to do the 'kick in the arse' number which they had dropped in favour of following the game which was working for them. Again with their number they had a great connection with the audience and were very funny. 

"With the three actors together, they are very good."

~

Simone, Miwa and Connor's number was rushed. The 'kick in the arse' bit was too quick (we need a nice big build-up)...however Connor was incredibly funny with a problem that arose from his roll of toilet paper attached to his waist (his costume is a boy scout) which kept unravelling which led him to keep tucking bits of paper in his many pockets.

~

Tessa, Sophie and Boris didn't get the mechanics right for the scene, but were still funny with their misunderstanding (although unfortunately Boris didn't even get a go to go on).

"We need to see the face of the person who gets kicked."

"She receives the kick, and after...illumination! 'I'm going to do that to another friend.'"

~

Mark, Hannah and Miluka did a fantastic number which started off with a false start. Hannah was the boss and tried to get the other two clowns to go back off stage, but Mark, playing a complete idiot (like somebody with a brain the size of a pea) couldn't figure out what he was supposed to do.

The only thing he knew was to run around a circle. And he kept trying to do that, and Hannah kept trying to convince him otherwise. It was hilarious. And the game continued with Hannah trying to signal to Mark inconspicuously with her eyes what he was supposed to do, but Mark still had no idea. Just a dimwit idiotic (yet naïve and loveable) look on his face. "It's fantastic...nothing works in this couple." Philippe warned that a clown couple is never negative. They are always friends. Even if one of them is incredibly frustrating and stupid, he is still loved by his partner.

Most of all I was happy for Mark. It was a brilliant day for him. His best, I'm sure. We adored him and he played so well. Subtle and listening.

"Him as an idiot...he is expensive...we love him as an idiot."

~

"You need to have one number with one idea. After you come back with another number."

"It's precise. What you have to do is really precise."

~


Finally Liz and Katie and I did our auto-course scene. We had rehearsed a bit throughout the week but didn't work too much. Just got the shape of it and decided to try and find a game on stage. But that didn't happen! At first we came out to run in a circle and Katie forgot to put on her red nose. Philippe asked me, the director/writer (joke continued), to tell her to put on her nose. So I screamed at her like a hot-tempered director. A bit of a laugh. We started again. But this time Liz decided not to wear her red nose. I yelled again. A bit of a laugh. And then we went to our scene, but I was a bit heavy and negative (carried over from the yelling) and we had no complicité. I kind of tried to play the boss - as if everything was going wrong - but didn't do it with lightness and fun. When it came to the kick Liz played that it actually really hurt - which worried me because I thought I really had hurt her. That created a worse feeling in the audience. Then Katie came out and the scene was no better. "Fucking fucking boring." So quite a disaster.

~

I'm feeling a bit unmotivated about the course at the moment. I'm not giving up, but I'm not caring as much as perhaps I should be. I guess I just feel like Clown is not something that comes naturally to me at all and so I don't feel like it's that productive to be working hard on writing numbers. Rather, I'm happy just watching others and enjoying giving things a go without expecting too much. I accept that I need to stick with the basics for now. Feeling the flop. Keep searching. And I'm happy with that. I only have four more weeks at this school, and in Paris, and I'm just enjoying it without too much stress or worry.