"Take Your Time To Calculate How To Play With Someone. It's Not Easy."

We started with a character check today. Basically, if you don't have fun you change. As it's the first day Philippe has seen my new Bro character called Manu, we don't know yet. Changing character is not a big deal - Lots of people are changing! - so chill out.

"You didn't give enough so it's good to stay...if you don't give today you change."

"It's like when you fall in love sometimes. The first day is good then it starts to be boring."

~

We then got put into families. Franck's Italian rugby player character was my dad.

Today's scenario: The parent calls in their child with the intention of having 'the talk' about sex, puberty etc.

Well Michael, when a man and a woman...

He also started the day off with the threat: "You don't speak for us, you don't move for us...I say goodbye." And he added the Le Jeu scarf game to the scene to keep actors connected with each other throughout.

~

When Franck and I went up it lasted very very short and didn't go well, ever! It started off with Franck calling out to me, and I walked in slowly on stage. And then blurted out "no, your gay." I came back again and Franck was pulling me closer - "don't touch me you gay." Not a good start. But I did this because Philippe had talked about conflict as being important - that if they say 'come here' and you come then there's no conflict. And also, when I said "gay" I meant a 'woos' - not really gay. It's a specific thing to the kind of character I'm trying to play - but this was totally lost in translation, understandably. Anyway, saying "your gay" made the scene feel nasty. And then very quickly it was over.

Philippe (actually in gentle way) said there was no game, we forgot the scarf, there was no connection between actors.

"Take your time to calculate how to play with someone. It's not easy."

I was really gutted. Felt like crying. I'm just so fed up with myself at the moment. I came out trying to be lighter and slower - something new for me - but then blurted out some dumb words and killed it. But the idea that I'm not playing with others gets to me the most. This explains why I like making Solo shows! I don't feel like I know how to play with others. I don't know how to discover a game. And of course I do, really, but I haven't done it for a long time. And wanting too much - wanting to get it right and be the star - is totally getting in the way of this. It's like hogging the ball - I'm trying to do it all myself, but it's much better as a team effort. Instead, I need to think 'aha, let's play together', take my time, look into the eyes of my partner, and trust that together we'll discover something. And if we don't - oh well, it's just a game.

But this is a big thing for me. Bigger than performative stuff right now. And Philippe knows it. And so do I. It's a simple thing that I need to be doing before anything else. So this is what I'll focus on from now on. Try and not care about how great I or the scene is, or will be. Just go out with the intention to play and connect and have fun.

~

"The pleasure 'you don't know who I am' must be bigger than the psychology of the character."

Keep distance from the audience "because when you are too close we dream less."

Vicky - but me too: "You are too scared to be bad. You stop yourself. But don't stop yourself. Try. Even if you get a flop."

Bertrand: "You lose something human and you do a parody...he's not human, he's a caricature of himself."

"If we don't have conflict it's not theatre, it's Club Med."

"You don't think: Ah! I'm going to show my soul to the audience."

"When we play very well we don't have the feeling we play."

At one point after a scene he asked Michael to leave the room. Michael took this badly - was really shocked and embarrassed - but Philippe was encouraging: "You're going to discover something." Even when it was clear that Philippe wasn't angry or being nasty, Michael still didn't move and made it a much bigger thing than it really was. But finally he got Michael to walk towards the door - at this point Michael was nearly in tears and had this really shocked angry look on his face. Before getting close to the door Philippe stopped him and got the girls in his scene to give him kisses. "Play with this feeling. Not your stupid ideas." He was trying to help Michael realise that he doesn't need to play an idiot - he is an idiot - and this is not a nasty thing, it's a really good thing! This is the same for me I think. I don't need to play the idea of an idiot - I need to show the one inside me.

Steph & Irena had a similar thing to me and Franck:

A "no" to carry on the game = positive.

A "no" to end the game = negative = "Everything is impossible in the game between the two."

~

At the end of class Philippe talked about how his job as a teacher is helping us find our particular ways that we have the most pleasure. Not one way for all, but our way.

"Everybody has a special world and we have to discover this - something beautiful - for you."

"In this way you have pleasure...In this way you have pleasure...It depends on yourself, your dreams, your madness..."

"Your pleasure is the best thing in the world."

Lead your character in so many ways: "If you think 'my character', you are a bad actor...If you think I am going to give live to this character who sleeps in a book [you will be good]...With what do you give life? We give life with your pleasure. And with your pleasure we see your soul."

~

"Develop your fun" - This is what I'm doing at this school, so it's okay if I'm not always amazing at it!