"It's Your Decision..."

At the start of class we were put into couples. And today's exercise is a scene in which one character comes into another's house with the intention to ask for their hand in marriage. If the scene starts to die there is one person in the wings with the job to 'save the show'.

I dressed as Anna today - with a blonde curly wig, tights, a rolled up t-shirt, makeup, and her classic fur coat. I called myself Susanna, but was trying to take what I found yesterday a bit further. I was coupled with Katy who plays an old man called Rupert.

When Katy and I went on I started the scene on the phone pretending to be having phone sex (a personal joke) and then did a kind of monologue to the audience saying I'm strung because Rupert is coming but I'm actually in love with Thomas (another personal joke). It was pretty heavy and pretty bad. Then Katy came on and didn't give enough so we were falling fast. I tried to save the scene by jumping to the fact that I'm in love with Thomas, and then our save-the-scener Irena entered and I screamed "Thomas what are you doing here?" which was surprising and got a good laugh, but it wasn't enough.

Philippe said we weren't playing together at all. "You don't look to each other for the game." I didn't get much personal feedback, other than that my opening was "so boring", but I knew I was pushing. I did have a good impulse at times, and I played a bit mocking Anna's eyes and lips, but I wasn't playing with my scene partner. This is what happens when I'm under pressure. I try to do it all myself. Like a sportsman hogging the ball.

I also felt I went a bit too far with the references to Anna. I was trying to be more nasty but wasn't light enough with it. My intentions weren't bad, but I didn't play with the information in as friendlily way as I could have, and felt bad afterwards.

Have to change my character too. "Kill this one. You have to take another one." Which is actually quite a relief, because I feel like I'm pushing shit up hill at the moment and getting nowhere fast.

~

"Actors - when they play together they have fun...Ah! You did that! POFF! I'm going to do this."

"It's really fun to play when your spirit is on."

"You don't say everybody is going to love me...[but if you do that] and if you flop, it's a wonderful flop, because it's a flop to understand something...the flop is fantastic to learn how to be loved by the audience."

"You didn't do: 'Ah! It's my turn to play the game'. You have to play major."

"We have to say: Ah! This actor is so happy to be on the stage."

"I didn't see: 'I'm going to be the star for three minutes.' I saw ten-fifteen seconds but not three minutes."

"The flourish ['Aaaahhh' when you receive your turn to be in major] belongs to the actor, not the character."

"You don't take the time to exist."

"You have to have the guts to say: I am an actor, a great actor, and I play my character."

"You don't have to play with us. You need to play with the fourth wall."

"Because you say you suffer a lot doesn't mean you have to show you suffer a lot. The character doesn't need to underline...the word says something and the face says another thing."

~

At Loo Loo break I got changed into whatever new character I could muster up. I ended up grabbing Canadian Mike's unused black curly haired wig, put a beanie on and a puffer jacket, and put black makeup around my eyes. I kind of looked like a white guy trying to look black. But it was fine.

I got up with Rocio and Rik as the save-the-show guy and at the point when Philippe was just about to hit his drum because their scene was so boring, and the class was clicking (which means Quick! Do something!) I came on, grabbed a chair and said in a 'Bro' kind of voice "This is my chair. Fuck you!" then left again. The class roared with laughter, and the scene continued without me until it started to die again, when I entered again and said "This is my phone. Fuck you!". And a while later, "Sorry this isn't actually my phone...but this is my chair. Fuck you!".

The scene died eventually, but I did my job and kept it going. My timing was a bit off - I should have gone a bit before they were really going to die - so I need to trust myself more (as I was hesitant backstage) but I did better. Lighter - more fun.

"Good stupid idea."

I'm going to try a Bro kind of character tomorrow. Andre said I should as I'm good at it, and I agreed but said maybe I should do something else as it's quite easy for me. But we discussed that just because it's easy doesn't mean I should avoid it - if anything it means I should go to it! Because I can learn a lot from a character in which I'm easeful and free as. And that's what I'm discovering slowly at this school. Where I'm easeful and free. I've found it a bit in each workshop, and am looking to be able to find it and hold it for much longer as I continue this training.

~

I noticed Philippe say "it's your decision" a few times today.

"It's your decision. Either you play with something deep or you play with your pleasure."

"You have to make the decision to have a scene."

And this got me thinking about how as actors we have to make the decision to be great, beautiful, surprising, alive. I need to start actively making this decision, every time I step on stage. Of course I want to, but it's one thing to say that and another to decide.