Today was the last class of the Mask Play workshop. We showed scene we had written for our mask of choice.
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Thomas and I performed the scene we wrote lost night with me as Il Capitano and him as Pantalone. It didn't go so well. Throughout most of the performance the audience was quiet...I found a bit whipping my sword around, but pretty much it stunk.
"Who wrote this?...I dont understand the writing."
He said the writing wasn't clear for the characters: that the girl (Floor) sitting on the park benchl should have been interested in Il Capitano, and Pantalone more obsessed with his money than the girl. Yet for this piece we tried to make it clear that both characters were fighting to win over the girl, but the girl never notices either of them, and she gets up and leaves just as the two go in for the kiss. This didn't fit with Philippe's idea of the characters - which we hadn't really thought about - but should have considering they are a few hundred years old! He also said Il Capitano needs to be proud - and in this performance I wasn't. And he said I had 'a Michael tendency' (he made fun of Michael ALL day) with a stupid smile like Michael has after a joke. This is true. I didn't do the big wide smile I'd found back in week 2.
Thomas and I gave it a go. But we didn't play so well together today. I felt better that I had been a bit lighter - but I can be much more sensitive. We both felt that the writing could have worked. It wasn't complicated at all. It did make sense. But in the playing of it we didn't make it clear enough. We should have rehearsed it.
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I also did a scene Harvey had come up with the scenario for: which was a wedding - and during the wedding the groom is accused of sleeping with the wife of another man at the wedding - at which point Harvey would do is "what the fuck?!?" acting and eventually rip off his mask. In the scene was Harvey, me, Floor, Charles, David and Rocio. I played the priest.
The mask I wore as the priest.
We had a good start. The entrance of the bride and groom to wedding music with a bunch of masks standing beside the aisle must have looked pretty funny. Then I started off "Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to this very special occasion..." in the voice of a 'Chur Bro Maori'. It went really well. The audience were cracking up. I was light, had good fun and pleasure in my voice, and had good timing. There were a few moments in the scene (which was mostly improvised) where I got great responses.
After Harvey took off his mask Philippe stopped the scene. It kind of fell apart at this point. And I think Philippe could have been a bit pissed off too. It is a mask workshop after all (although Harvey had done it a few days earlier and it was hilarious).
He said we shouldn't have staged it in a line, but rather cheated and staggered it, because we kept having to move our heads to profile to see each other. He said that I had fun with my voice at the start, but afterwards it became a character. This is true - I started adding "bro" to the ends of sentences - and relied on this rather than having genuine fun with my voice, to survive. [I realised here that it's not what you say, but how you say it.] He also said I didn't move for the mask. I moved as if i was wearing makeup, not a mask.
He then got us to continue a bit, and he asked each of us questions. "Do you have anything to say?" David - who was flopping a bit for a while - found a fantastic crazy crying voice. He struggled for a while and then burst out with it and the moment was joyous. When it came to me, again, I kind of froze up. I tried to find something - to feel the flop, play with it, and discover something - but I didn't. I wanted to, but what I tried didn't work. I didn't try anything drastically different enough. I didn't take big risks.
At the end he said: "Guy...he is not funny. He is flat...like holland." This was really painful because everyone in our scene was good at the end, but I wasn't.
At the time I felt really sensitive and pissed off. I thought "Fuck you! For a while I had it. Good voice/rhythm/sensitivity. I was witty and had good comic timing!"
I didn't want to be sad! Or feel down! I tried to remind myself that being bad is okay. And that today, for me, I did good. I tried to remind myself that what I'm trying to do is hard. It's hard to find it, and once you've got it, it's hard to keep it.
Then I thought, what could I have done to be funny? Change! Go over the edge. Into the unknown. Try something. I feel a bit like right now I'm staying in a safe little ball. But David took a flop and turned it into a big crazy scream. It was fantastic. I need to go into the same territory. The unknown.
Then I had the thought: perhaps Philippe's little nasty comments are supposed to push me out of this ball. Argh! Gaulier is pushing me into a crisis! He doesn't want me to think I'm good - to become confident and comfortable. Because when I'm confident and comfortable, I'm bad.
And I realise that this feeling of insecurity I've been feeling (in lots of areas of my life) will be because something is changing and shifting within me. I'm becoming more sensitive to the world. Being told you're bad everyday does that, I guess.
I have been feeling really insecure lately. I was thinking, right now, I just want to be told I'm good. But at this school you're not told you're good until you are actually good. And I like this. But it's hard. At most schools we're told we're good way too early - way before we are actually good. And this results in students never really meeting their full potential. But at this school, to become good takes real time, patience and work. Philippe talks about how we're all very bad before we're good. We were as children. It's how we learn. So I need to try and accept and embrace this as I move forward. I don't need to be told I'm good. What will that do? Nothing. It will make me feel temporarily a bit better about myself - but will my work change? No. And I want my work to change. So I'm just going to have to handle feeling insecure and comfortable for the time being.
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"When you show the mask you discover something given by the mask. When you don't show the mask you stay with yourself."
Bertrand and Daniele did a Commedia scene with Arlecchino and Brighella - in which they they went crazy about food. It was big and loud and very physical, and it didn't work. Philippe killed them after a while and then got them to stand next to each other and simply recite cooking recipes to the audience. They were much more watchable like this. They let the mask do the work for them.
"What we saw [first] was an idea of bad theatre de mis cojones de Italia...Now you have life. Before, just horrible theatre."
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Things I learnt from Mask Play:
- Show the mask...from many different angles and positions...let it do the work for you...fixed point!
- Have fun - with your voice, body, mouth, movement - this gives spirit to the mask.
- Try many things - discover the mask with every audience.
- Nose up! Don't reveal the strap!
- Smaller gestures - masks are not human remember.
- When something's not working...change! Especially the rhythm!
- Don't do too much. Simple is always better.
- Listen to the audience - follow what they like.
- Isolate - e.g. dance with just the shoulders.
- Don't play a character - just have fun with a voice and a rhythm. The mask will do the rest for you.
I've really enjoyed Mask Play. It's been a real challenge. Lot's of ups and downs. But great. Exciting! I've never done anything like this before! Inspiring - I want to make a show using masks now. I've learnt a lot about my habits as a performer - especially how I tend to react when I'm under pressure. I've learnt a lot about doing less as the actor, and letting the mask do the work for me. This is an idea I can use in my other acting work...
Currently stuck in a bit of a crisis at the moment. Which is ironic considering somewhere else in this blog I wrote about how I thought crisis was this weird illogical avoidable thing. But I'm really feeling it at the moment. Emotionally and physically. But I'm okay with it. I'm going to try and accept the struggle I'm going through at the moment and let the changes occur within and keep searching for something else. Something more sensitive, light, and free.
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